To All the List-Makers

Hi I'm Hope and I'm a list-a-holic.  I'm one list-loving girl.  I love checking things off.  So much so that I've been tempted many days to write at the top of my to-do list - "make to-do-list" just so I can check it off.  Am I nuts?  Probably so.  Though I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has written down things I've already done so I can check them off and get that sense of accomplishment.  Do I have a problem?  Most definitely, but how else will the laundry get done and the dinners made and the kids taught.  It's scary up in this head of mine and scarier still I'm giving you a glimpse into it.

So, does God make list-loving people?  Apparently so.  But those of us who love lists and checking things off are the same ones who tend to sway towards legalism, rule-making, and having trouble letting go of control. The lists give us a sense of control of any given circumstance or situation.  List-makers is probably just a nice way of saying we are indeed control-freaks. I'm just putting it out there.

Us list-lovers sometimes struggle with seeing the big picture.  We see the details.  We can control and perfect the details or at least we are under the delusion that we can.   We are also the ones who often have the gift of administration.  Anyone else struggle with seeing this as a gift?  I want one of the exciting spiritual gifts like evangelism or prophecy.  Doesn't being a prophet sound so exciting?  Jeremiah would probably say otherwise.  He probably longed for a more "behind-the-scenes" gift.  I've wrestled with God trying to convince Him that administration is a boring gift and I'm ready for more.  I want something flashy and world-changing.  Pride is something else us "listers" fight or maybe it's just me.

As I am becoming more comfortable with who I am and trusting that God designed me this way for a reason, I'm realizing He has given me this brain for a purpose.  As I stop trying to figure out everything and give away control, I'm learning that it's not such a boring gift after all.  When I set myself aside and allow God to really use me, it's thrilling.  When we follow Him, it's an adventure.  Not one where we can control the details or the ending.  We trust that ultimately He is in control.  We are not.  We remind ourselves that He has purposed us for good (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28).  So, we drop the safety net and take a scary step away from ourselves and towards Him.  And tomorrow when we try to pick back up everything we surrendered the day before we stop ourselves and take another scary step.  And before long the steps become less scary and our delusion of control starts to fade away.

See I've lived too long doing pretty much the opposite.  Instead of allowing God to direct the lists, I've made them and then said "okay, here's what I'm doing today, be in it, God."  Or another day the conviction to surrender takes over and I end up on my face before God giving it all over to Him.  Only the next day, I go right back to my old ways.  This is the frustrating dance that has been my life.  And I realize that I'm stuck in a place I was never created to be in.

There is so much freedom in realizing God created you and has a purpose for you.  If He has given you the gift to organize and see the details, use it for Him.  Lists can be a good things.  They can help us focus and get things done.  Ministries wouldn't happen with out us list-makers.  Those big picture people need us.  We work alongside one another and when we do, things happen.

We just need to be careful.  Our lists (whether they are literally on paper or just in our minds) give us a false sense of control and we keep making them because of it.  We have to learn to let go.  Freedom is found when we do.  Galatians 5:1 says It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Yet, we enslave ourselves in our own desire for control.  I used to say "need for control" but that is false.  We don't need it.  We want it.  We even crave it at times.  It's an addiction.

So, how do you let go? I cannot answer that for you.  I know for me it's been a back-and-forth, but every step, no matter how large or small or easy or painful, has been worth it.  Freedom is worth it.  He is worth it.  He wants to use you the way He made you.  God does change lives.  He changes hearts and minds all the time.  That doesn't mean He's going to change the very way your brain is wired, though He may.  He created you to be you.  He has great plans for you.  I cannot tell you the freedom that is found in being me and letting Him be Him so that I can be used for His glory and His purposes.  

Does this mean I no longer make lists?  No.  I did take a purposeful break from them.  I still love lists.  I just pray and hope each day that they are His lists and not mine.  The laundry still makes it on there most days, but somehow it still gets done even when there is no list.  I know it's crazy, but it's true.  Otherwise there would be 4 naked children running around this area and nobody wants that. 

I'd end by telling you to seek freedom, but you don't have to seek it.  It's there.  It's found in Christ.  When you truly start becoming all about Him, the chains begin to fall.  We just have to stop putting them back on.  Let the top of your list be Jesus.