Listen to the Truth Not to Your Fear

Luke 21:9-19 The Message (emphasis mine) "When you hear of wars and uprisings, keep your head and don’t panic. This is routine history and no sign of the end.”

He went on, “Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over. Huge earthquakes will occur in various places. There will be famines. You’ll think at times that the very sky is falling.

“But before any of this happens, they’ll arrest you, hunt you down, and drag you to court and jail. It will go from bad to worse, dog-eat-dog, everyone at your throat because you carry my name. You’ll end up on the witness stand, called to testify. Make up your mind right now not to worry about it. I’ll give you the words and wisdom that will reduce all your accusers to stammers and stutters.

“You’ll even be turned in by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends. Some of you will be killed. There’s no telling who will hate you because of me. Even so, every detail of your body and soul—even the hairs of your head!—is in my care; nothing of you will be lost. Staying with it—that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved."

Then, verses 34-36,

“But be on your guard. Don’t let the sharp edge of your expectation get dulled by parties and drinking and shopping. Otherwise, that Day is going to take you by complete surprise, spring on you suddenly like a trap, for it’s going to come on everyone, everywhere, at once. So, whatever you do, don’t go to sleep at the switch. Pray constantly that you will have the strength and wits to make it through everything that’s coming and end up on your feet before the Son of Man.”

I am not one who keeps tracks of all the signs of end times. Honestly, I don't have any real desire to watch the new Left Behind movie. But I do want to know what the Bible says about it all. In Luke 21 (go read it all), Jesus gives us specific signs and specific instructions. We are also told in His Word that man will not know the time or hour, Jesus will return (Matthew 24:36). There's no point in guessing. It tells us that even Jesus does not when He is coming so why do any of us think we might figure it out???? Trust that the Father knows and that He has a purpose in only Him knowing.

We should not be surprised by this world. It's a mess. It's been a mess since sin entered and will be a mess until the Sinless One returns. It's only going to get worse. In all of the hurting, confusion, and pain, we are called to be on guard, know the truth, not to worry, and be able to give words He gives us. I believe that no matters what happens in our world, we are still called to the two greatest commandments, LOVE GOD WITH EVERYTHING IN US and SELFLESSLY LOVE THOSE AROUND US (Matthew 22:36-40). We do this by obeying Him. We do this by knowing His truth. We do this by loving the people placed in our lives. We do not have to save the world, but we are called praise the One who does.

I have no idea who reads this blog.  But if you are reading this and don't know my Savior, I'd love to tell you about Him.  Seriously, anytime, anyplace, just ask.

If you do know Him, don't give way to fear. Fear of this world or fear of man will only cause more pain and confusion. Know His Word. Trust Him when He says you are in His care so much so that even knows the hairs on your head. It may get crazy and then even crazier around here, but He loves you and He's got this.  

God is God

remnantresource.org

"What comes to our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."

I have read and pondered this quote by A.W. Tozer many times in my adult life.  This morning as I read it again, I realized that often what has come to mind has changed based on my circumstances.  This is a sad and dangerous realization.

God does not change, no matter what is happening in my life or the world around me. HE IS GOOD --not sometimes, not only when life is good, not when it's convenient to believe it-- He is always good.  HE IS LOVE, not based on my definition of love, but He is love because He created it. He gives it. He defines it.  HE IS HOLY AND PERFECT even when I don't understand holiness or perfection.  HE IS GRACIOUS AND MERCIFUL no matter what I do, no matter how much I choose self, no matter how sinful I am. My choices do not change who He is.  HE IS CREATOR even when I read science that strives to prove otherwise.  HE IS ETERNAL even though I cannot understand or grasp eternity. HE IS GOD even when I doubt.

If we try to define God through what we know (or think we know) or what we've been through, then He is not GOD.   Our "definition" of God must be through the lens of scripture, always, always, always, and it says HE IS GOD.

"God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?" Numbers 23 :19

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. Colossians 1:16

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations... Deuteronomy 7:9

It's Time for Thanksgiving

http://www.jacobabshire.com/musings/wallpapers/wednesday-wallpaper-give-thanks-to-the-lord-for-he-is-good/

I read the book, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, when it first came out.  I think Ann Voskamp is a modern day poet and prophet, and her blog has challenged me to go deeper with God for years now.  This book is a challenging, but incredible read.  In it, with her rich words that paint a picture in your mind, she teaches us that God gave us the secret to joy and peace.  She uses the Greek word eucharisteo to explain,

Yes, it's all Greek to me, but this is the word that can change everything: eucharisteo—it comes right out of the Gospel of Luke: “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them…” (Luke 22:19 NIV). In the original language, “he gave thanks” reads “eucharisteo.” 

The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning “grace.” Jesus took the bread and saw it as graceand gave thanks. He took the bread and knew it to be gift and gave thanks. Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning “joy.” Charis. Grace. Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. Chara. Joy.

Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo; the table of thanksgiving. The holy grail of joy, God set it in the very center of Christianity. The Eucharist is the central symbol of Christianity...

One of Christ’s very last directives He offers to His disciples is to take the bread, the wine, and to remember. Do this in remembrance of Me. Remember and give thanks.

This is the crux of Christianity: to remember and give thanks, eucharisteo.

Why? Why is remembering and giving thanks the core of the Christ-faith? Because remembering with thanks is what causes us to trust; to really believe. Re-membering, giving thanks, is what makes us a member again of the body of Christ. Re-membering, giving thanks is what puts us back together again in this hurried, broken, fragmented world.

It's a powerful message.  And for her it all started with a challenge from a friend to list 1,000 things in which she was grateful.  It began a change in her heart, in her life, in her calling, and the book shares what she learned through all of it.

I've confessed that I love lists a little too much and a formulaic way of thinking is dangerous for me. Knowing this about myself, I decided not to jump in with a list when I read this, but lately this book and this eucharisteo thought keeps coming back to me.  I've been asking God to open my eyes.  Help me see the people, the things, the world around me through a different lens.

You know what I'm finding?  The troubles and weights of this life feel lighter and my heart becomes more free as I allow the Holy Spirit to change my mindset to one of thankfulness in all things.  

Today I am thankful for,

1. A God who sustains.  He holds me together all the time, even when I feel like I'm falling apart.
2. Hot coffee on a cool morning
3. Friends who pray for me even I am too proud to ask
4. My home, not just a house, but a home - a place to invite, to unwind, to take shelter from this crazy world.
5. Books.  Real paper books that I can hold and write in and let me tears of both grief and joy  falls on their pages.
6. A God who loves me where I am.  He loves me when I doubt.  He loves me even when I choose self.  He loves me enough to call me to choose Him.
7. Getting glimpses of the man my 10-year-old is becoming and knowing God is doing a good work in him.
8. Grace. Grace. And more GRACE.
9. A doctor who continues to seek answers on my behalf even when nothing makes sense.
10. Pathology reports that start opening the door to answers.
11. Autumn.  Today we usher in a new season, my favorite season, with a sigh. It's a time for coolness, a time for family, a time to breathe and relax, and a time to give thanks.
12. A marriage of two imperfect sinners could bring disaster but when yielded to a perfect God brings goodness, mercy, love, kindness, and humility.

Truth & Femininity

I had my pity party yesterday.  As much as part of me didn't want to be that honest on here, it was good getting it out.  I think once something is out there, we have to deal with it.  I could keep pretending to most everyone that I'm good and never struggle with this.  Or I can share it and have to face it.  In facing it yesterday and praying and thinking, I realize that I was believing in a lie.  And there is freedom in truth.

The truth is some mornings when I'm getting ready for the day, I am bothered my the image looking back at me.  Other days I'm perfectly fine with who I am.

The truth is some days since I've had my new "hairdo", the double takes in the grocery store make me want to hide and other days they actually make me smile.

The truth is some nights I want to sit and whine that I have to deal with this and other nights I'm so grateful for this journey.

The truth is some moments I feel beautiful and other moments I do not.  But that has nothing to do with hair.  That would be true at any time in my life.  I think it's true of all women.  At least I hope all women feel beautiful at some point in their lives.

And the truth is that I've struggled with femininity for much longer than a few months.  This is where I found the lie.  The Bible tells us to "stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist" and when we are believing in lies, there are cracks in our armor.  

What is femininity?  Here is what Google says,

the quality of being female; womanliness.
"she celebrates her femininity by wearing makeup and high heels"

The definition is fine, but it's the example using makeup and high heels where our thinking can go south. If I'm being honest, when I think about what it means to be feminine, most of my thinking has to do with outward appearance. I have a friend who comes to mind when I think on this topic. She prefers wearing dresses, has a beautifully decorated home, enjoys baking, always has her hair done, and often dons a string of pearls. She sounds pretty perfect, right?  Well, first of all, none of these are true all of the time. She would be the first to laugh at me if she knew that it was her I was describing here. I've probably seen one Christmas card picture of her like this and now assume it's always this way. We, females, have a tendency to do that, don't we?

The world, and often other Christians, tells us that being feminine has to do with hair styles, hem lengths, body size, lace, lipstick, pearls, and so forth.  If this is the truth, then so many in this world will never attain femininity and what a shallow goal in which to strive.  If the definition is simple being female, why do we add so much?

What does the Bible say about being a woman?  I read through lots of scripture and it rarely has to do with appearance.  In fact, 1 Timothy 2 talks about appearance and says women should wear "appropriate clothes and not draw attention to themselves" and women are "attractive" by the "good things that they do."  I'm pretty sure that is the exact opposite of what the world tells us.  So, I kept searching and landed on probably the most feminine woman in the Bible.  Oh, you Proverbs 31 mysterious woman, you!  So often, we read through Proverbs 31:10-31 and all that she does and we feel defeated.  She's superwoman, right? We get tired just thinking about it.

This time I looked more for who she is rather than what she does.  I think I found the truth about femininity.  This beautifully, feminine woman is trustworthy, hard-working, energetic, strong, hospitable, giving, resourceful, one who enjoys beauty, one who speaks with wisdom and kindness, one who brings good to her husband, and most of all she fears the Lord not her future.  

I was looking through pictures of my recent trip to New York and found this one,

It's of my beautiful sister and I excited about heading to a church service at Brooklyn Tabernacle.  Two God-fearing women looking forward to worshiping their Savior in a new place.  I think that's pretty feminine. 

Let's change the definition of femininity from the one the world so easily presses on us, especially for those girls growing up behind us.  Let it not be something they can never attain and always struggle with.  Let is be based on truth and not a lie.

I Want Hair

I know I've been quiet again. It started when the whole World Vision thing greatly upset me and I had no words.  Then, busyness and distractions took over.  Oh, how easy it is to become distracted these days.  Distracted from purpose.  Distracted from calling.  Distracted from God.

In effort to be fully transparent, I feel called to share my struggles.  Humbling as it is at times that is the purpose I feel God calling me to.  I feel Him calling me to share with others what I am learning from Him and where I am failing.  Hence, the title of the post.  I want hair!  I really do, at least today, and the last few weeks.

When I first shared my story and shaved my head, there was freedom and confidence that only came from the Holy Spirit.  I was excited about Him possibly using this for His glory.  There were moments of doubt but they were fleeting.  Not anymore.  It's only been 2 1/2 months.  I am apparently fickle.

I am already tired of being different.  I am tired of not feeling feminine.  I am tired of arguing with myself that this is small in the grand scheme of things.

As I cried in the shower this morning, I heard a whisper in my soul, "It's not about you, it's about Me."  My mantra has been that very thing for years.  I say it to myself often.  I write on the pages of my journal.  It's not about me, it's all about You.  And there is the answer to my weariness.  I devoured a book about nutrition and autoimmune disease over the last few days and only spent minutes in His word.  I spent more time thinking about how frustrated I am with my body and health (which continues to pop up with new issues) than talking with Him.

If I have ever appeared strong, it's all Him. I am weak, obviously.  I truly want more than anything to serve Him and be used by Him yet I so easily lose focus.

I don't know where I am going with this other than I know He is calling me to share.  May whatever I write or say be from Him and not me!

Division and World Vision

Image from: http://www.worldvision.org/sites/default/files/images/home-slides/water.jpg

I found it fitting this morning that I read this quote from Max Lucado’s book Outlive Your Life, “When workers divide, it is the suffering who suffer most.” 

This World Vision thing has been mishandled by so many people and in so many ways that I hope and pray not to simply be another one of them.

My prayer in all of it: in every blog -post, response, defense, or withdrawal of sponsorship is that God would allow all involved to focus on the suffering involved: real children in real need will be affected and it doesn’t really matter who is to blame.

I can find plenty of faults with World Vision and the way they have handled this.  By choosing to allow gay Christians in legal same-sex marriages to be employed, while still maintaining a rule that mandates abstinence outside of marriage, World vision has essentially said that monogamy is more important than immorality.  Instead of using a simple/straightforward Biblical code of conduct where all employees are asked to pursue Jesus with everything that they have and everything that they are, World Vision is in essence picking and choosing which sins to address, even though that’s exactly what they were trying to avoid.  Richard Stearns, who I respect and (will still) recommend as a voice for the forgotten and least of these in our world (You should read his book: The Hole in Our Gospel ) is in a difficult position.  World Vision does try to leave most theology to denominations.  They don’t have statements of belief about proper modes of baptism, women in leadership, etc.  But, in continuing to mandate rules, which include a call for abstinence, while allowing other types of immorality, the group has painted themselves into a corner.  They are in essence saying which sins are o.k. and which sins are not. (Which you can't do by the way.  The Word of God is pretty clear in defining sin.) 

Having said that, I can also find faults with those that have responded so harshly against World Vision.  Many responses from evangelistic leaders have come across heated, mean, and judgmental.  Some have called Stearns a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.”  In reading others you would think that World Vision has suddenly stopped its call to minister to the widows and orphans of our world (which the Bible says is “pure religion” by the way).  It’s been another spring-board for evangelicals to speak hateful things about homosexuality while ignoring the need for mercy.

In the end, I think we should ask ourselves  this question: What about the suffering children?  You remember them right?  The ones starving and dying from preventable diseases. 

    

If you had the ability to save one of their lives, would speaking on the phone with a gay man or woman prevent you from doing so?

If you could save a child’s life, would you choose not to, simply because the person processing the paperwork could potentially be a gay man or woman?

I think (I hope) most Christians would choose to save the child!  And why?  Because these children have already suffered enough!

My point is this.  As Christ followers I think we are bigger than these impassioned, impatient responses.  It's o.k. if you feel shammed.  If you signed up with World Vision based on their core beliefs and practices, it's o.k. to feel like they are trying to change direction.  It's even o.k. to feel like you need to change sponsorship organizations.

If the choice to change hiring practices offends you, I encourage you to send Stearns your objections.  Let him know that these kind of decisions cannot be made in a vacuum no matter how much his board would like to think they can.  Tell him that you don’t understand his change in hiring practices or how he has seemingly made monogamy more important than Holy matrimony.  Ask him how he and the board came to that decision.  

But don’t cause the children to suffer.

If you feel led to cease your sponsorship, let the company know that due to their decision you can no longer support their leadership (which a portion of your monthly giving goes to support) long-term.  Tell them that due to their decision your sponsorship will cease at the end of the year, so that they have time to find someone to take over for you.

But most of all, pray!  Pray and ask God what you should do.

Let the Holy Spirit, whose fruit includes love, peace, and patience guide you.  Don’t simply spout off in anger or leave a child hanging.

The world’s biggest problems require the most people working together towards their solution.  The bigger the problem, the more people required.  The more people, the better chance that there will be some you don’t agree with or even approve of.

There are tons of great organizations out there (Compassion, Food for the Hungry, Project Hopeful) you can support.  Maybe all of this causes you to do a little more research and a lot more praying. 

 

Whether you continue to support World Vision in their effort to end poverty and injustice or you choose a similar organization to support, I pray that you would keep the following in mind: “When workers divide, it is the suffering who suffer most.”   

**UPDATE: World Vision has reversed their decision and publicly apologized.  We think it takes great humility and wisdom to do this.  See link below for the update and words from Richard Stearns.

World Vision Reverses...

New Life

I would venture to guess that most gardeners' favorite time of the year is the harvest.  I know my boys love picking the veggies we've been working hard to grow.  It is definitely awesome to be able to enjoy the actual fruits of your labor.

For me, though, I LOVE the planting.  I spent a good majority of today planting various seeds and transplanting tomatoes and peppers. As I was finishing up, I just sat in the garden and took it all in.  There is something so exciting and also peaceful about a springtime garden. 

As I sat there looking around, I couldn't help but think about 2 Corinthians 5:17.  It's the new life that is so exciting.  With gardening, it's an adventure to plant a tiny seed, see that seed emerge through the dirt, and eventually grow into something beautiful or edible.  With people, it's so thrilling to watch a similar yet grander transformation.  I love being around new Christians.  The new life in them is often mesmerizing.  This verse isn't just for "new" Christians though.   We are all new creations.  The New Living Translation says anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.

As we prepare for Easter, I think about how new life would've been all around Christ during his last days.  Flowers blooming, seedlings emerging, and new births would've been everywhere.  What a perfect time to usher in a new way.  A new freedom.  A new life.

Hope When We're Just Plain Worn Out

What do we do when we just have a rough week?  A week filled with so many appointments and commitments and parenting woes and dirty kitchens and well, you get the picture. There have been good times this week in the midst of it all.  Yet, I sit here on a Friday night just plain worn out.  I keep thinking that one of these days I'll be mature enough or spiritual enough to rise above all this and not struggle in the day-to-day.  I want to be able to give and love, but some weeks, it just feels like there's nothing left to pour out. I want to walk in the Spirit following hard after Jesus, but some days are so loud that I can't seem to hear Him.  I long for some quiet so here I sit in a dark room hungry for peace and feeling defeated.

Then, I hear a whisper in my soul, you were not made for this place.  And there He is.  He pours out hope and grace reminding me that this world is not home.  This world is hard.  Loving others is exhausting. We are surrounded by hurts and selfishness and hate.  But there's hope.  And as I lean into Him in this moment, He reminds that I don't have to be enough.  He is enough.  My strength will always wear out this side of heaven.  His strength is everlasting.  And I'm led to these words in Isaiah 40 from The Message,

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying,“God has lost track of me.   He doesn’t care what happens to me”? Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? God doesn’t come and go.  God lasts.   He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.  He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.    And he knows everything, inside and out.  He energizes those who get tired,  gives fresh strength to dropouts.  For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall.  But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.   They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.

He is good.  He is hope.  He loves you.  He loves me.  He is never worn out. God lasts.

Worth Reading...

I have a few tabs that have stayed open on my computer all week.  They are just good reads so I'm sharing them with you.

• 7 Things You Need When You're Overwhelmed and Can't Keep Up - Ann Voskamp shares these encouraging words over at (in)courage this week - We are all chased by grace.

• The Heartbreak of Foster Care - This family shares a piece of their heart and I agree with all of it.  I keep re-reading these words, "If he goes back to his bio parents I’ll cry because I will have lost him. If we adopt him I’ll cry because he will have lost his bio parents. Heartbreak is really just part of living."

• Doing Life Together - My friend, Sarah, who I've known most of my life, shares about what "Doing Life Together" should really mean.  Let's not let it become a cliche in our Christian circles. Let's mean what we say or stop saying it altogether. 

Happy Sunday!

Orphans, Widows, and Our Duty

Image courtesy of boazproject.org

As a Christian, we can hear that there are 45 million orphans in the world and do nothing because it's just too big of problem.  The Bible mentions "orphans" or the "fatherless" over 30 times and most of those times are a call to act.  Almost every time orphans are mentioned, it is with widows.  Why do you think this is?  I think it's because widows and orphans are easy to ignore.  We all have our own families, our own people to look after, and we don't think we have the time or the money or the whatever to help someone else.  Yet, God doesn't let us off the hook.

Exodus tells us not to take advantage of them. Deuteronomy says God "defends the cause of the fatherless," and He instructs His people to provide for the orphans and widows and to never deprive them justice.  Job talks about rescuing the fatherless and widows.  Psalms 82:3-4 is quoted in the above picture and tells to "defend" and "uphold" them.  Isaiah 1:7 is pictured below and again tells us to"defend the cause of orphans and fight for the rights of widows." In Zechariah and Jeremiah, we are told not to oppress the orphan or widow.  James defines "pure religion" as caring for the orphan and the widow. And my absolute favorite verses on this subject are Psalm 68:5-6 and we read that "God sets the lonely in families."

Image courtesy of amycornwell.com

This is not every verse that mentions orphans or widows, but I think the picture is made clear.  We have a duty.  It's not a special calling for a select few.  It's not something we get a choice in.  As Christ-followers, we are told to care for the orphans and the widows.  We don't need to pray about it whether or not we should, it's there in living black and white words.  Our prayer instead should be, "Lord, how do You want me and my family to care for them?"

I could list ways you could help.  I could list ministries you could get involved in or send money to, but that could be overwhelming in and of itself.  You don't have to look far and honestly, you probably already know about lots of these organizations.  

I believe if you truly pray about how to help, it will be made clear.  I will share our own personal journey to foster care with the hows and whys in a few days.  But in short, it's this, we prayed and God made it clear. And I am so grateful He did.   

45 million orphans is an overwhelming and heartbreaking number.  Remember that it's not just a number.  Everyone of these has a name and a story.  What would it look like if we all actually did our duty and cared for them?  I just about burst into tears every time I think about the possibilities.  Did you now that there are 2.1 billion people who claim they are Christians?  The math isn't difficult.  There simply shouldn't be that many orphans.  I don't have the number for widows and there will always be widows and widowers, but "God sets the lonely in families." How awesome is our God!  What is He calling your family to do?

Real Confessions of a God-fearing, American Housewife

I said I was going to be real on this blog.  Lest you think I spend my days pondering the words of the Holy Spirit and sharing them with you (and laughing was heard from anyone who's been around my family).  Here are some confessions of mine, in completely random order,

• I am a horrible housekeeper (and Jason just shouted "Amen!").  I hate cleaning and will usually find any other way to spend my time.  Yet a cluttered and dirty house stresses me out.  I need an intervention.
• I struggle many days with finding time to really read my Bible yet seem to find time to get on Facebook and watch Call the Midwife. I asked the Holy Spirit to be unrelenting on me with this and OUCH!. He definitely is and I am grateful for it.
• I have perfected the ability to tune out my children.  This can be both a good and bad thing depending on the moment.
• I am completely uncomfortable walking inside a nursing home or hospital.  I hate this about myself and hope that changes one day.
• When one of my children call out from their bed to remind me to pray with them, I sometimes thank God for them and other times cringe as I just got comfortable on the couch.  
• I think McDonalds is completely disgusting yet still let me kids eat it sometimes.
• I spend way too much money on junk.  The same junk that so often clutters up my home and stresses me out.
• I struggle with wanting to be in charge of our family and wanting Jason to lead us.  Maybe if I just get out of the way...
• I am addicted to adoption fundraisers.  If someone is adopting and needs money, I will give it.  If they are selling a t-shirt (or whatever), I will buy it.
• I love my kids so much that it hurts sometimes and I struggle with why God has given them to a messed up sinner like me.
• People different than me make me uncomfortable sometimes.  Another thing I hate about myself and I'm living proof that someone who lacks mercy can grow in it through Christ.  He continues to stretch me and challenge me in this area and I am so grateful each time (though not usually at the beginning - when I'm digging in my heels and trying to find a reason not to step out).
• I once told God I would never be a foster parent.  It is one of the hardest things I've ever done.  No, I don't think God called me to it because I said I wouldn't.  I think He was calling me to it before I ever said no.  But there is a little girl messing up my house faster than I do that I cannot imagine my life without.  I hate that she ever needed to be removed from her home.  I hate that this is world is so broken that moms and dads don't know how to love and care for their babies.  But oh am I glad God never stopped pushing us here.  
• I would give you my kidney if you ever need it, whether I know you or not.  The problem I have is in giving you my heart.

I'm sure there'll be more to come.

Let's Stop Pretending

Warning: This post is coming from a very restless momma who's becoming increasingly uncomfortable every day.

I read and posted this blogger's take on what's happening to Christians in North Korea on Facebook last night,

http://loristanleyroeleveld.blogspot.com/2014/03/theyll-be-dead-by-morning-what.html

Her post is in regards to this,

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/mar/6/kim-jong-un-calls-execution-33-christians/

I had trouble sleeping as I couldn't shake these brothers and sisters from my mind.  I told God I don't understand it.  I know this is not our home.  I know how this world's story ends.  Yet, I'm so troubled by the fate of these.  I prayed that their death be remembered.  I prayed that those of us on the other side of the world don't ignore it.

As I laid in my comfortable bed under a pile of blankets while my heater hummed in the background and my kids were tucked snug in their beds, I was overwhelmed with the disparity of the situation.  Here I am stressed about the laundry and cleaning that the next day holds and there are 33 of God's children in a cold cell awaiting their death all because they stood up for the truth.  They looked fear in the face and saw people hurting and dying around them and refused to keep quiet with the hope of Christ.

I cannot feel guilty about where I was born and where God has placed me for this season, but I can change my focus from being comfortable.  It's so hard for us to even comprehend what these Christians across the ocean have faced and the choices they've made on a daily basis when my hardest choice today might be which room to clean first.

It's overwhelming.  I tend to freeze not knowing where to go or what to do when I'm overwhelmed.  I know I'm not alone in this.  I see it happening all the time.  We pretend not to know about these stories.  We pretend not to see the woman standing on the corner.  We pretend we don't know about the lonely man down the street.  Ignorance is bliss, right?  Only one problem, we're not ignorant of the hurts of this world.  We see the hurting all around us.  When we don't, we have an even bigger problem that we are so self-focused and therefore blind.  Usually though we know and we choose to ignore.  We've done it so much that we don't even realize we are doing it anymore.  We justify our actions by our own busyness and we continue to pretend.

I am reminded of Katie Davis and her book Kisses from Katie.  We can be overwhelmed with the hurt around us and do nothing or we can choose to love the ones placed in front of us.  I think loving your family is a high calling and an important one, but I think sometimes we assume it's our only calling.  We are called to get out and love. Some days as a stay-at-home-mom, I may love my family by not complaining about the laundry and doing it because I love them.  That will be my calling some days.  But on this side of the globe, we have become so detached and so used to staying inside our own homes that we don't even realize there might be more. I'm pretty sure other days I am called to leave the laundry basket and get out out my comfort zone.  Could this be one of the reason we are depressed, feeling insignificant, and struggling with purpose?  We were created for more.

Let's not ignore what's happening in North Korea or on our own streets.  He's put you in your part of the world for a reason.  We can pray for the 33 brothers and sisters who probably get meet our Creator sooner than we will.  We can let their deaths not be in vain by letting them change us.  I pray my children do not sit on their couches struggling with the same things I'm struggling with.  I pray that as a family loving the people where we are placed becomes so familiar to them that they never consider the alternative.

Chasing God: Book Review and More

Click the image to purchase book.

First of all, I'd like to tell you how I ended up reading Chasing God by Angie Smith.  I had the privilege of attending the Friday night portion of IF:Gathering in February.  It was an incredible night of teaching and worship.  I left excited to go back on Saturday.  Instead, I ended up in the ER Saturday morning with intense and mysterious stomach pains. In a desire to somehow still be connected to the women at the conference, I picked up the book that had been given away in our fabulous, goody bags.  As I started reading this book, I was challenged and felt like Angie Smith and I might have been separated at birth (seriously if you read the chapter entitled The Binder - you will get a glimpse into the workings of my brain ;) ).  You may think I'm reading too much into this, but I think God purposed me to read this book.  Because if I'm being completely honest, had I not ended up at the ER, the book would've been put on my ever-growing pile of books I want to read.  The pile of books on my nightstand that I know are just going to change my life, but I rarely get around to reading them.

From the start, Angie's honesty and transparency grabbed me.  She shares of a struggle that I identify with so much.  She talks about how she has spent most of her Christian life chasing God thinking this was how it was supposed to be.  I want to share her words from the introduction,

It's the difference between following and chasing.

The key that finally turned the door of my faith was understanding that we are called to one and not the other.

We stare at the rest of the pew, wondering why we aren't as far along as they are, secretly resenting those who unswervingly claim their faith while we enter another Bible study group, hoping something will stick.

If I just do this, I'll catch Him.

I'll catch Him.  Those words haunted me over the next few days.  Is that what I struggle with so often?  Was she somehow in my mind?  I exhaust myself trying to catch God who is already here.  I believe His promises for other people but have trouble claiming them as my own.  

Angie continues throughout the book to share her heart, to let you into her struggle and how her mind works, and give you examples of how she chases God instead of being with Him.  I highly recommend this book, especially if you struggle with striving and feeling like you are never getting anywhere.  Freedom can be found in these pages.  Not because of Angie Smith, but because of the truths of scripture she obediently shares and gives skin to through her own vulnerability.  Her writing is fresh and her sometimes-sarcastic humor only adds to the words she shares.

I'll leave you with this excerpt,

... I had been running after Him for as long as I could remember, and I didn't know how to stop.  I have given days of my life to the notion that I had some power to catch Him.  And I couldn't help but hear His voice in the midst of it, urging me to see the truth.  And in time, I began to understand what He had been whispering for years. 

You chase Me because you trust your own legs more than you trust Me.

You chase Me because you can feel the air in your lungs, not because you want to breathe true life.

And as long as you can chase, you still get a say.  You maintain part-ownership of our relationship.  You would run forever in the wrong direction if it meant your flesh didn't have to admit the truth.

You chase because it feels like you can.

Disclaimer: The links in this post contain referral links.  My review is my own words and I receive nothing for sharing it. While the goal of this blog is not to make money, I'd love the privilege to give away any that it may someday.