I Want Hair

I know I've been quiet again. It started when the whole World Vision thing greatly upset me and I had no words.  Then, busyness and distractions took over.  Oh, how easy it is to become distracted these days.  Distracted from purpose.  Distracted from calling.  Distracted from God.

In effort to be fully transparent, I feel called to share my struggles.  Humbling as it is at times that is the purpose I feel God calling me to.  I feel Him calling me to share with others what I am learning from Him and where I am failing.  Hence, the title of the post.  I want hair!  I really do, at least today, and the last few weeks.

When I first shared my story and shaved my head, there was freedom and confidence that only came from the Holy Spirit.  I was excited about Him possibly using this for His glory.  There were moments of doubt but they were fleeting.  Not anymore.  It's only been 2 1/2 months.  I am apparently fickle.

I am already tired of being different.  I am tired of not feeling feminine.  I am tired of arguing with myself that this is small in the grand scheme of things.

As I cried in the shower this morning, I heard a whisper in my soul, "It's not about you, it's about Me."  My mantra has been that very thing for years.  I say it to myself often.  I write on the pages of my journal.  It's not about me, it's all about You.  And there is the answer to my weariness.  I devoured a book about nutrition and autoimmune disease over the last few days and only spent minutes in His word.  I spent more time thinking about how frustrated I am with my body and health (which continues to pop up with new issues) than talking with Him.

If I have ever appeared strong, it's all Him. I am weak, obviously.  I truly want more than anything to serve Him and be used by Him yet I so easily lose focus.

I don't know where I am going with this other than I know He is calling me to share.  May whatever I write or say be from Him and not me!

New Life

I would venture to guess that most gardeners' favorite time of the year is the harvest.  I know my boys love picking the veggies we've been working hard to grow.  It is definitely awesome to be able to enjoy the actual fruits of your labor.

For me, though, I LOVE the planting.  I spent a good majority of today planting various seeds and transplanting tomatoes and peppers. As I was finishing up, I just sat in the garden and took it all in.  There is something so exciting and also peaceful about a springtime garden. 

As I sat there looking around, I couldn't help but think about 2 Corinthians 5:17.  It's the new life that is so exciting.  With gardening, it's an adventure to plant a tiny seed, see that seed emerge through the dirt, and eventually grow into something beautiful or edible.  With people, it's so thrilling to watch a similar yet grander transformation.  I love being around new Christians.  The new life in them is often mesmerizing.  This verse isn't just for "new" Christians though.   We are all new creations.  The New Living Translation says anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.

As we prepare for Easter, I think about how new life would've been all around Christ during his last days.  Flowers blooming, seedlings emerging, and new births would've been everywhere.  What a perfect time to usher in a new way.  A new freedom.  A new life.

Worth Reading...

I have a few tabs that have stayed open on my computer all week.  They are just good reads so I'm sharing them with you.

• 7 Things You Need When You're Overwhelmed and Can't Keep Up - Ann Voskamp shares these encouraging words over at (in)courage this week - We are all chased by grace.

• The Heartbreak of Foster Care - This family shares a piece of their heart and I agree with all of it.  I keep re-reading these words, "If he goes back to his bio parents I’ll cry because I will have lost him. If we adopt him I’ll cry because he will have lost his bio parents. Heartbreak is really just part of living."

• Doing Life Together - My friend, Sarah, who I've known most of my life, shares about what "Doing Life Together" should really mean.  Let's not let it become a cliche in our Christian circles. Let's mean what we say or stop saying it altogether. 

Happy Sunday!