The Source of our Saltiness

I want to put these words to page this morning in a spirit of love for you...love for God...love for the Kingdom.

You and I are made in Christ for great purpose!  We are called to be the salt of the earth!

Now I could spend all of my time this morning teaching on what that means...but the truth is you've probably already heard a sermon or ten on it.

Instead, I want to look at the verse with you this morning from a different angle.  So, here it is:

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot." (Matt. 5:13-14)

Focus on the end of that verse with me, will you?  If salt loses its saltiness...it is no longer good for anything.

So, here's the love...we are meant to be men and women of great influence in this world. Not because of our personalities, our great looks, or our bank accounts.  We are meant to be men and women of great influence because of the person and the power that lives inside of us.

The great marker for the first deacons in the Bible was that fact that they were men "full of the Holy Spirit."  In truth, that is the great marker for all servants of the King!  You can keep your theologians, your politicians, your bank rollers...give me seven men full of the Holy Spirit of God and get out of the way!

When we abide, walk, keep in step with...the Holy Spirit our lives our full of love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, and self control.  

That's what salty folks look like.  That's how they taste.  Good!  People want to be around folks like that.  They turn to folks like that when they face struggles and trials in life.  They ask folks like that to pray for them.  They ask folks like that why they are different.  They ask folks like that how they can experience the same joy and peace that they see in their lives.

These are the kinds of people that Jesus intends us to be.  So, how do we do it?

The answer is simple: We hang out with the Source of our Saltiness - Jesus.

Jesus is the one who stops the bleeding in this life!  Jesus is the one who fills the empty stomach!  Jesus is the one that makes the lame walk and the blind see!

Maybe it sounds too easy!  But I promise you it's true.  The key to being useful in the Kingdom is spending time with the King!  

I heard it put this way last week: At the feeding of the 5,000, we know that there were probably more like 15-20,0000 people.  How did Jesus feed them?  Well, He had them sit down...into sections no doubt.  And He broke the bread and the fish and gave it to the disciples to hand out?  How much food could Peter carry to his section of over 1,000 people?  Only as much as his hands could hold.  Maybe enough for 60?  A 100?  What did he do when he ran out?  He had to go back to Jesus for more!

Friends.  Jesus is our bread!  He is the bread of life!  He is the source!  The more often we go back to Him, the more effective we will be!

What's that smell?

We were at my in-laws house and all of the boys were playing with their cousins.  We had traveled for the night to roast some marshmallows and head to a pumpkin patch the next day.

The s'mores were good and sitting by the fire was fun.  But my favorite part was watching the boys and Faith run around and play with their cousins.  They had a blast!

And that's when it hit me!  As the kids came over to roast their marshmallows the odor came over too!  I knew what it was immediately.  We have all smelled that smell before.

I immediately began checking all of the shoes of the kids.  Trying to determine which one had stepped in the dogie doo-doo (sorry...that's the cleanest phrase I could come up with at six in the morning).  To my surprise, all the shoes were clean.  But the smell lingered.

It wasn't until we got inside that we figured out what happened.  The football the kids were playing with had evidently landed in a fresh pile.  My son wiped it off (or so he thought) and then he picked it up and continued to play with it.  Running around and tightly gripping the ball to his chest as others tried to catch and tackle him.  The smell wasn't coming from his shoes, it was coming from his shirt!

Gross, right?

Well, that's the picture the Bible paints about our pursuits.  In Philippians chapter three, Paul outlines all of his reasons for personal pride.  And then he drops this bombshell in verse 7 and 8: But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ...

That word garbage...you guessed it...dog-dung.  Paul made a realization.  Compared to Jesus...all the things he used to hold dear...all the things he used to grip tightly in life were actually dog-dung.  Can you see it?  Or rather, can you smell it?

You and I are made for so much more than this world has to offer.  We are made to be the aroma of Christ!  But if that's going to happen we need to loosen our grip on a few things.

And if we do, maybe next time we're around someone, they'll ask themselves "What's that smell?' ...and it will be a good thing...a God thing even!

Please don't pray for my safety!

Dear friends, I love you!  I appreciate you!  I covet your prayers!  This pastor thing is tough!  What am I saying?  This life thing is tough!  So, I appreciate your prayers.

But, would you please do me a favor?  Don't pray for my safety.

Pray  that God would be glorified in me.  Pray that the gospel would be advanced through me.  Pray that the kingdom would be my focus and Jesus would be my aim.

But, please don't pray that I would be safe.

You see, I don't want to be safe any longer.  Safe keeps my door locked.  Safe keeps me from speaking even when I feel like I should.  Safe keeps me from dreaming and believing in the big things of God.  Safe is paralyzing!

The gospel of Jesus isn't safe!  It's dangerous!  It has the power to break strongholds.  It has the ability to overcome generations of sin and darkness.  It brings dead people to life!  It makes the lame walk and blind see.  It gives the orphan a loving home and provides food and shelter for the hungry. The gospel allows me to open my heart up and willingly love others knowing that I might get hurt.  It forces me to look at my finances differently and question what success really is.  The gospel changes my priorities and my plans.

That's the life I want! Jesus told us that we would have trouble in the world (Jn. 16:33) so why do we pray that we won't?  I want to be in the center of storm.  Not because I'm crazy.  Not because I have some kind of morbid death wish.  But because I know I'll find Jesus there.  And even if He doesn't calm the wind and the waves... His presence will be more than enough!

The greatest blessings I've ever experience in life have come in the few and far between moments that I decided to live dangerously for the Kingdom of Christ.  I guess what I'm saying is...I want more of those moments in my life.  Thanks in advance for the prayers!  May God be glorified!

In Him,

Jason

Commitment

The agony I endured that day has become the stuff of family legend.  A young, head-over-heels in love kid...had decided to ask a man for his daughter's hand in marriage...a large man for his daughter's hand in marriage.

I thought through a hundred different ways to ask, but just kind of blurted out one Sunday morning...something along the lines of "Ed, I'd like to talk to you about my intentions towards your daughter."  And with the escape of that eloquent sentence, He rose from his seat, called out to his wife and left without saying a word.

He was having a bit of fun!  I, on the other hand, was dying a slow death.  It wasn't until after church that day that he (at the prompting of my now mother-in-law) finally said, "how about you and I take a walk."

As we walked outside that day I felt more nervous than any big game I had ever played in.  Here I was walking alone with a very large man...and I was asking for his daughter's hand in marriage.  When he began to question me...I found it difficult to muster up the words to speak.  It was only one question, but to this day I remember the turmoil I felt as I tried my best to answer it.

Here's my best recollection of how things went down that day:

LM (Large man)  - "There's one thing that makes a marriage work.  Do you know what that is?"

ENK (Extremely Nervous Kid - Me) -  "Umm....ugh..." - with a puzzled look on my face.

LM - "It's one word"

ENK - Silent.  Was he wanting me to say a word?  What's a word.  It's one of those things made up of consonants and vowels, right? Oh...yeah..I've got it.  "Love!"  Right?  Love is the answer.  Love is all you need (thanks John)!

LM - Before the "o" in love makes it off of my lips..."Don't you say love!  Love comes and goes.  It changes constantly.  It's important, but it's not enough!"

"I'm looking for another word.  It starts with a letter C."

ENK - A letter C?  What is this Scrabble?  Wow, I should have paid more attention in school. "Umm..." Now at this point I have to be honest...I think I had a bit of an outer-body experience.  There was profuse sweating, an intense desire to see my lunch again, and for some reason I wanted to fall down into the fetal position and start sucking my thumb.

I think I managed to say "Christ?" I mean I paid attention in Sunday school that morning.

It was then, with a firm hand on my shoulder that my father-in-law to be taught me one of the most important Bible lessons of my life.

"The word is commitment my Son.  The word I'm looking for is commitment.  At some point in every marriage...the love fades...one ore both of you wants to give up...you feel like walking away.  But marriage is a commitment to the other person and to God."

The profuse sweating began to subside immediately, but the profound lesson lives on strong...nearly 17 years later.

Commitment.  Being faithful and determined to love and to stay together...even when my heart lies to me and tells me otherwise.  Commitment.  Staying the course in good times and bad....sickness and health.  Commitment.  Being a man of your word and staying the course with resolve much greater than anything man can muster.  Commitment.  Learning to love serving someone and seeing it as one of God's greatest blessings in life.  Commitment.  Sweet death that never says "good by" but gently whispers with a kiss on the forehead...."my love...my best friend...I WILL see you soon!"

That's the lesson I learned that day...and every day since.  God is faithful.  Even when we are not.  He is. (2 Tim. 2:13)  He is steadfast in His commitment towards me.  He loves me with purpose.  He loves me for the long-haul.  It's one of the greatest truths of the gospel.  A God that is committed...a God that is all in for all time.  And it's because of His love...I choose to do the same!

How is my marriage?  A lot like my relationship with God.  There are struggles...usually attributed to me not spending the time I need to on our relationship.  But...the gospel IS being lived out here!  In the deepest parts of who God has created me to be I find resolve to be faithful because God has been so faithful to me!

To this day... "the walk" (as I now infamously call it) stands as one of the greatest Bible lessons I've ever learned.  And as we now "walk" through this crazy adventure called life, with all of it's highs and lows,  I remain steadfast...overwhelmed...filled with love...and most of all...committed.  Committed to God...and committed to my beautiful wife and best friend!

One word with profound impact.  One word that I'm still learning about and learning from today.  I hope and pray you will too!

Is your heart a raging sea of resentment?

Anger...bitterness...resentment.  They beat against your heart like raging waves pummel the side of a sailors vessel.

Only there is one major difference.  These mighty waves of life don't batter us externally...they do their damage from the inside...stirred into a frenzy by a heart that rages from hurt.

And the great problem with this storm is that when you find yourself in it...you loose your bearings. The waves are so great, the wind so strong, that it consumes all of your time and attention.

But to the weary war-ragged heart there is a great hope.  Believe it or not, there is a way to stop your heart from continuing to stir up the raging seas of resentment.

It won't come naturally.  In fact it can't come naturally.  The way that I speak of isn't natural in nature.
There is only one way to calm raging seas.  And it involves super-natural authority.

Jesus taught us that "All authority in heaven and on earth had been given unto Him."  It's the authority that he constantly displayed during His ministry: healing the blind, raising the dead, calming the storm.

And that super-natural authority is still alive and active today...even if it's not as visible to us as it was to the disciples.  When we take our hearts full of raging resentment and turn them over to the ONE who has authority over the "wind and the waves" Jesus does the unthinkable.  He gives us the ability to breathe again.  The ability to love again.  The ability to trust again.

How?  Because He teaches us what forgiveness really is.

And once we have truly understood the depth of His forgiveness...forgiving others suddenly seems possible.

With Christ on board we find new courage to stand in the midst of the strife and speak boldly out into the gale within.  "Be still. You no longer have a hold on me.  In the name of Jesus I forgive."

And with his authority...the unthinkable occurs. The resentment...the hurt...they begin to subside. Our heart stills and we are overcome by calm peaceable seas within.

Treasure

Treasure...it's the focus of any great pirate novel.  You know, the one's with a secret map, a secret cave, and an X marking the spot.

Have you ever stopped to think about why we still read books and make movies about pirates?

I think I may have stumbled across the answer this morning in my devotion time: Treasure.

We are a people obsessed with treasure!

Oh sure...we all love a good pirate joke from time to time, but the thing that gets our blood pumping is the hunt for the hidden.  The pursuit of the pieces of eight and the gold doubloons.

There's a name for it in the mining industry: gold fever.

And it's a well deserving name.  Evidently once a man finds his first bit of gold...his excitement reaches such a heightened place that he ceases to think rationally...begins to fantasize or believe that he is bound to strike it rich.

Gold fever has been the end of many a man.  Loosing everything in pursuit of what's deemed as great gain.

(Do you see where we're headed here?  Can I love you enough to be honest with you?)

According to the bible...we've got a pretty bad case of gold fever too.  It's so bad...it's even made it into many of the pulpits of our churches.  We want possessions and prosperity so desperately that we're willing to listen to anyone and try anything to get them.

We spend out lives in a constant pursuit of consumption...and yet we are never content or satisfied.

And in the midst of our exhaustion...our wrong priorities...our sickness and sin...Jesus steps in and simply tells us to stop.

Stop chasing after that elusive promotion or position of power.

Stop setting your sights on the accumulation of more stuff.

Stop fantasizing about a fleeting romance or a newer version of your spouse.

Stop.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal." (Mt. 6:19)

In other words...stop longing for and living for things that won't last!

"Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven..." (Mt. 6:20).

Friend...God understands your desire for treasure.  In fact, He placed a great desire for treasure deep within your heart.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God has "set eternity in the human heart."

But what you need to understand is that you and I have exchanged that pursuit of true treasure for a poor, man-made copy!

We constantly cling to the wrong things and wonder why our heart aches for more!  Why we feel so distant and discontent!

We fail to understand that our heart can only be in one place.  "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Mt. 6:21).

This week our family is trying something new.  We are attempting to center ourselves around a single prayer for the week.  Something we desire for every member of our family.

If you happen to be reading these words, I want you to know that I consider you part of our extended family, and thus I want to share this simple prayer with you too.

"More of you Jesus."  That's it.  Less of all the rest.  Everything else has to decrease in our lives, but Christ needs to increase!

That's my prayer for you this week too. Stop chasing after the cheap copies and start spending time with the King.  Jesus is the true treasure.  And when we seek Him with all of our heart we will find Him (Jer. 29:13).  And when He is our treasure...when our hearts are with Him...we find all of the joy, peace, and contentment that we so desperately long for.

I'm not asking you to stop searching.  Rather, I'm praying you'll start searching for the right treasure.

"More of you Jesus, more of your face, more of your glory in this place..." I promise you won't regret the adventure!

Happy hunting friends!

Why Me?

Ever think about why God wants to use you?

I do.  On a regular basis I am astounded that God chose me...that He called me...that He allows me to be His ambassador (2 Cor. 5:20).

The thought of why is bouncing around in my head again this morning as I write in a new journal my youngest son picked out for me this week.

Caleb was out shopping with his mom when he saw it at the bookstore.  It's a "God's Not Dead" journal, and the moment he came through the door with it he had the biggest smile on his face.  This was and act of love.  It involved thought on his part.  He has a journal that he uses and carries to church and he thought I needed one too!

And last night I knew I better start using it!  He moved it around several times so I knew exactly where it was.

Now here's the deal...I've been journaling my thoughts on the computer lately.  It's been quicker...it comes with spell check (which I need).

But as I scribbled down these words this morning...I did so with a pen and my journal.  A journal brought to me by my son who loves me with all his heart.

I don't need to use the journal...but I want to!

Did you know that God chose you and uses you for a reason?

Yes...using broken...simple vessels like us brings Him the  most glory!

But God also uses us because He loves us.  He doesn't need us, but He wants us...because He is our Father and we are His dearly loved children.

And that is the thought that floods every recess of my being this morning as I write in what might be the best journal ever.

It's not the biggest...the pages aren't wide...the lines are narrow...but, it's my son's gift.  It's his act of service to me and that makes it special and important!

Here's the truth...God doesn't need me...and He doesn't need you.

But He loves us dearly and wants to use us...just like I want to use this journal.

Because He loves us, He invites us in to play a part in His great story of redemption.  We get to be used.  We get to do good works which He has prepared us in Jesus to do.  We get to reflect the glory of God so that others take note and turn their eyes to Him and praise His name.  We get to be ambassadors and ministers of reconciliation.

Loving God and serving Him in obedience brings great joy to our Father's heart...and to ours.

In a few minutes...a boy that loves his father with all of his heart will get out of bed to start his day. I'll offer him breakfast and he'll accept. But at some point...as the sleepiness wears off...he will make his way to the couch and the end table where he placed this journal last night.  And when he does, he will find that the once blank journal is blank no more.

And the look on his face will be priceless.  The smile worth a thousand words!

Dad, thank you for using me...even though you don't need to.  It makes me feel indescribable joy in the very depths of my being.  I hope you see the joy it brings me too...and I hope you feel about me the same way I feel about my son.

Listen to the Truth Not to Your Fear

Luke 21:9-19 The Message (emphasis mine) "When you hear of wars and uprisings, keep your head and don’t panic. This is routine history and no sign of the end.”

He went on, “Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over. Huge earthquakes will occur in various places. There will be famines. You’ll think at times that the very sky is falling.

“But before any of this happens, they’ll arrest you, hunt you down, and drag you to court and jail. It will go from bad to worse, dog-eat-dog, everyone at your throat because you carry my name. You’ll end up on the witness stand, called to testify. Make up your mind right now not to worry about it. I’ll give you the words and wisdom that will reduce all your accusers to stammers and stutters.

“You’ll even be turned in by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends. Some of you will be killed. There’s no telling who will hate you because of me. Even so, every detail of your body and soul—even the hairs of your head!—is in my care; nothing of you will be lost. Staying with it—that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved."

Then, verses 34-36,

“But be on your guard. Don’t let the sharp edge of your expectation get dulled by parties and drinking and shopping. Otherwise, that Day is going to take you by complete surprise, spring on you suddenly like a trap, for it’s going to come on everyone, everywhere, at once. So, whatever you do, don’t go to sleep at the switch. Pray constantly that you will have the strength and wits to make it through everything that’s coming and end up on your feet before the Son of Man.”

I am not one who keeps tracks of all the signs of end times. Honestly, I don't have any real desire to watch the new Left Behind movie. But I do want to know what the Bible says about it all. In Luke 21 (go read it all), Jesus gives us specific signs and specific instructions. We are also told in His Word that man will not know the time or hour, Jesus will return (Matthew 24:36). There's no point in guessing. It tells us that even Jesus does not when He is coming so why do any of us think we might figure it out???? Trust that the Father knows and that He has a purpose in only Him knowing.

We should not be surprised by this world. It's a mess. It's been a mess since sin entered and will be a mess until the Sinless One returns. It's only going to get worse. In all of the hurting, confusion, and pain, we are called to be on guard, know the truth, not to worry, and be able to give words He gives us. I believe that no matters what happens in our world, we are still called to the two greatest commandments, LOVE GOD WITH EVERYTHING IN US and SELFLESSLY LOVE THOSE AROUND US (Matthew 22:36-40). We do this by obeying Him. We do this by knowing His truth. We do this by loving the people placed in our lives. We do not have to save the world, but we are called praise the One who does.

I have no idea who reads this blog.  But if you are reading this and don't know my Savior, I'd love to tell you about Him.  Seriously, anytime, anyplace, just ask.

If you do know Him, don't give way to fear. Fear of this world or fear of man will only cause more pain and confusion. Know His Word. Trust Him when He says you are in His care so much so that even knows the hairs on your head. It may get crazy and then even crazier around here, but He loves you and He's got this.  

God is God

remnantresource.org

"What comes to our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."

I have read and pondered this quote by A.W. Tozer many times in my adult life.  This morning as I read it again, I realized that often what has come to mind has changed based on my circumstances.  This is a sad and dangerous realization.

God does not change, no matter what is happening in my life or the world around me. HE IS GOOD --not sometimes, not only when life is good, not when it's convenient to believe it-- He is always good.  HE IS LOVE, not based on my definition of love, but He is love because He created it. He gives it. He defines it.  HE IS HOLY AND PERFECT even when I don't understand holiness or perfection.  HE IS GRACIOUS AND MERCIFUL no matter what I do, no matter how much I choose self, no matter how sinful I am. My choices do not change who He is.  HE IS CREATOR even when I read science that strives to prove otherwise.  HE IS ETERNAL even though I cannot understand or grasp eternity. HE IS GOD even when I doubt.

If we try to define God through what we know (or think we know) or what we've been through, then He is not GOD.   Our "definition" of God must be through the lens of scripture, always, always, always, and it says HE IS GOD.

"God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?" Numbers 23 :19

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. Colossians 1:16

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations... Deuteronomy 7:9

It's Time for Thanksgiving

http://www.jacobabshire.com/musings/wallpapers/wednesday-wallpaper-give-thanks-to-the-lord-for-he-is-good/

I read the book, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, when it first came out.  I think Ann Voskamp is a modern day poet and prophet, and her blog has challenged me to go deeper with God for years now.  This book is a challenging, but incredible read.  In it, with her rich words that paint a picture in your mind, she teaches us that God gave us the secret to joy and peace.  She uses the Greek word eucharisteo to explain,

Yes, it's all Greek to me, but this is the word that can change everything: eucharisteo—it comes right out of the Gospel of Luke: “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them…” (Luke 22:19 NIV). In the original language, “he gave thanks” reads “eucharisteo.” 

The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning “grace.” Jesus took the bread and saw it as graceand gave thanks. He took the bread and knew it to be gift and gave thanks. Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning “joy.” Charis. Grace. Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. Chara. Joy.

Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo; the table of thanksgiving. The holy grail of joy, God set it in the very center of Christianity. The Eucharist is the central symbol of Christianity...

One of Christ’s very last directives He offers to His disciples is to take the bread, the wine, and to remember. Do this in remembrance of Me. Remember and give thanks.

This is the crux of Christianity: to remember and give thanks, eucharisteo.

Why? Why is remembering and giving thanks the core of the Christ-faith? Because remembering with thanks is what causes us to trust; to really believe. Re-membering, giving thanks, is what makes us a member again of the body of Christ. Re-membering, giving thanks is what puts us back together again in this hurried, broken, fragmented world.

It's a powerful message.  And for her it all started with a challenge from a friend to list 1,000 things in which she was grateful.  It began a change in her heart, in her life, in her calling, and the book shares what she learned through all of it.

I've confessed that I love lists a little too much and a formulaic way of thinking is dangerous for me. Knowing this about myself, I decided not to jump in with a list when I read this, but lately this book and this eucharisteo thought keeps coming back to me.  I've been asking God to open my eyes.  Help me see the people, the things, the world around me through a different lens.

You know what I'm finding?  The troubles and weights of this life feel lighter and my heart becomes more free as I allow the Holy Spirit to change my mindset to one of thankfulness in all things.  

Today I am thankful for,

1. A God who sustains.  He holds me together all the time, even when I feel like I'm falling apart.
2. Hot coffee on a cool morning
3. Friends who pray for me even I am too proud to ask
4. My home, not just a house, but a home - a place to invite, to unwind, to take shelter from this crazy world.
5. Books.  Real paper books that I can hold and write in and let me tears of both grief and joy  falls on their pages.
6. A God who loves me where I am.  He loves me when I doubt.  He loves me even when I choose self.  He loves me enough to call me to choose Him.
7. Getting glimpses of the man my 10-year-old is becoming and knowing God is doing a good work in him.
8. Grace. Grace. And more GRACE.
9. A doctor who continues to seek answers on my behalf even when nothing makes sense.
10. Pathology reports that start opening the door to answers.
11. Autumn.  Today we usher in a new season, my favorite season, with a sigh. It's a time for coolness, a time for family, a time to breathe and relax, and a time to give thanks.
12. A marriage of two imperfect sinners could bring disaster but when yielded to a perfect God brings goodness, mercy, love, kindness, and humility.

Why is Asking for Prayer Difficult?

Have you noticed that during "prayer request" time in your small group, Sunday School class, Bible study, or wherever that we rarely ask for prayers for ourselves?  Sure, we hear "please pray for us as we travel this week" or "pray that my surgery goes well on Thursday" or "pray for my job interview this week."  But rarely is there open, transparent requests for prayers for ourselves.  It seems that most prayer requests are for things like Aunt Jane's cancer or a coworker's child or a friend who was in a car wreck. While there isn't anything necessarily wrong with these requests, they tend to be impersonal and can even keep us from getting too real.

Why is asking for prayer for our own struggles so hard?  When I examine my own heart, I think there are a few reasons.  One, I don't want to be or, more likely, appear selfish.  Two, my problems aren't as "bad" as these others so I don't want to waste anyone's time.  Or probably at the root of it all, I don't want to be too vulnerable.  I can be open about so much.  I have a husband who is pretty much an open book to our entire congregation.  Being married to him lends to few secrets in our family.  It used to really bother me, but I've grown to appreciate it (most of the time ;) ).  Even still, I don't want to be vulnerable.  I don't want to NEED people or be a burden to anyone.

The only problem is that we all keep answering "I'm fine" when all the while so often, we are not.  I keep thinking what if our small groups (whatever they look like) become our safe groups.  What if "I'm fine" is no longer an acceptable answer in these groups?

Don't me wrong.  There are times when things are really good.  But instead, let's share them, praise God for them together.  And when things are just not, let's share those as well and hold each other up, encourage one another, truly live this hard life together.  Not in a spirit of complaint and there needs to be guarding against that, but in an effort to drop the masks and the walls.  We all need people.  God does not require us to walk through this life alone.  He is enough for us, but He also understands our struggles and gives us church families, friends, spouses, and more to lean on.  Oh, isn't He good?

This past week in our Sunday School class, I prepared myself to share some health struggles that I've only been partly open about it and felt God urging me to share.  When our teacher said we are not going to do prayer requests this week, I relieved a sigh of relief.  I could keep it all in for at least another week.  I could talk myself out of it before next Sunday rolls around.  I mean the pastor's wife should never even consider the possibility of being a burden when there is so much hurting going on all around, right? These are the arguments I have in my head.

The truth is though that pretending like it's all okay and making jokes about my health issues, so I don't to worry anyone, is wearing me out.  Don't worry I'm not dying (at least not from any of my current issues ;) ).  Some of my autoimmune issues are flaring and I've added a new one to the mix.  I have unexplained weight loss that is so far baffling my doctor.  I've struggled with anxiety off and on this past year.  Some days I feel fine and other days I'm exhausted for no apparent reason.  I am so very blessed with a husband who is most always patient with me, but  I don't think it's fair to him that I won't ask for prayers.

I am confident that God holds my health in hands and grateful that it's not worse.  I know this is not my future.  I pray that God uses all of this for His glory yet I'm realizing that if I walk around keeping up appearances, I may be not allowing Him to do just that.  This morning I read in Galatians  4 where Paul shares, "As you know, it was because of an illness that I first preached the gospel to you."  Oh, let that be true of me someday.

So, I ask you, that next time you meet with your "safe group", be real, be honest, share the good and difficult.  C'mon,  I don't want to be the only one getting real.

Seriously, no worries about me. SERIOUSLY. God says do not worry.  God knew I'd be here struggling in this very moment.  He has plans for me and He has plans for you.  If you feel led to pray for me, pray that He would use all this.  Pray that I would ask for help when I need it.  Pray for my marriage and my family as we continue to try and figure this all out.  Pray for my husband who is having to do way more than his fair share some of these days.  Pray that most of all in whatever I do or say, I can do it all for the glory of God.

I pray that everyone reading this has a safe place to be real and that you stop carrying your burdens alone.  God never intended us to be worn out simply from keeping things in.  He knows this life is hard.  He knows we have struggles, health issues, financial woes, and so much more.  I believe He gives us people in our lives for a reason. And that reason is not to make us more tired.

Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:14-16

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Being Unpopular Sucks But I Must Remain Focused

Yes, I said sucks, because well it does and "stinks" just doesn't fully convey how it feels.  Yesterday as I was having fun watching another ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, I also saw someone else post that the ALSA funds embryonic research.  I also started wondering what exactly is all this money doing.  I read a few articles but it was a crazy, busy (and productive) day so my research stopped there.

This morning one of my favorite people nominated me for the challenge.  I was flattered to be a part of the fun though dreading the actual icy water.  I asked Jason if he'd pour a bucket on me at lunch.  I also started discussing what I'd read yesterday with him.  That lead to us both posting a link to this well-written blog, Why I Cannot Accept the Ice Bucket Challenge.  We were then told and read conflicting things so Jason called ALSA directly and found out that instead of giving online, you can call the ALSA at 1-(888) 949-2577 to give and designate that your monies not be used to fund embryonic stem cell research though unfortunately most people have not done this or are even aware of where the money is truly going. 

Then, I'm thinking, "Okay, I'm back in. Dump the bucket on me." Only something still wasn't sitting right with me (and this is not me trying to avoid the ice water ;) ). I read on the ALSA website that they've raised almost  $42 million dollars so far through this challenge in the last few weeks alone. That's incredible! ALS is a unspeakable, horrible disease that I wouldn't wish on anyone. A cure for it would be awesome but I couldn't help thinking "at what cost?"

Why was I still feeling unsettled about this? It's a fun, harmless challenge for a good cause, right? I started praying asking God to give me clarity and wisdom. He reminded me that I have been praying since the beginning of this year for focus and for Him to show me where my energy, focus, and giving should be. I have also prayed almost daily for Him to help me stop and think before I act on something. I've been overwhelmed with the hurting, the violence, the diseased, the hungry, and the lonely in our world. It's too much. My head spins, I weep, and I lay still and confused over how to help and what to do. And, then, so often I would freeze. I don't know what to do so I do nothing. I say a pray and I try to push it out of mind so I don't go insane. Prayer is powerful, but God didn't call me to only pray. He calls us to action. He calls us to give. He calls us to move out of our frozen state.  

God has been faithful in answering my prayers.  Proverbs 2:2-5 tells us, 

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

And James 1:5 tells us, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

God has been showing me that He gave me my passions for a reason. I am passionate about the local church. I am passionate about orphans, especially adoption and orphan prevention. I am passionate about the hungry, especially single moms who struggle to provide. I am passionate about spreading truth, whether it's the truth of the Gospel or simply stopping a lie being spread that is invoking fear or fighting. I have other passions, but those are what gets me going like nothing else. If you ever want to see me upset, say something ugly about the Bride of Christ OR tell me that I shouldn't foster or adopt (yes, it has happened way too often) OR tell me you don't have enough to share with others OR tell me you can't help so-and-so because of fear based on lies of this world.

These are the areas where God is showing me I am called to give and move and focus. Do you know the relief and joy that comes when I concentrate on those things? I can trust that He is moving in others to be the hands and feet for other injustices of this world. The problem is that so often I am distracted and I don't focus on these.

If you made it this far, by now you are wondering, what in the world does this have to do with the ice bucket thing?  Or who cares if she does it or not (That's probably what I'd be thinking)?  Contributing to the ALS is not my calling.  It's not where my focus is supposed to be.  It may be for others.  If I were to participate, it would be simply because it's fun and popular.  My motives would be ill-placed.  I know I let "popular" things become a distraction to me.

So, here I am, a party-pooper.  I'm raining on someone else's parade.  But I am grateful.  I'm grateful that God is growing me.  I'm grateful that He is teaching me to stop and think.  I'm grateful that He is helping me to align my passions with His calling.

Because of my passions, I leave you with the following.  By the way, it would have been much easier for me to pour ice water on my head today than to share all this.

• There are approximately 30,000 people in the U.S. suffering with ALS

• There are approximately 120,000 orphans (meaning waiting to be adopted) and over 400,000 children in foster care in the U.S.

• There are approximately 17,600,000 households in U.S. that struggle to feed themselves and/or their families

These numbers do not mean one is more important that the other. There are so many statistics I could share on everything from cancer to war to preventable diseases. These numbers are simply shared to get you thinking. I shared only U.S. statistics because I could easily find reliable sources.  This is in no way to say we should concentrate inside our borders.  The orphan and hunger problems only get bigger outside our country.  Yet, the Bible is clear that we are called to meet their needs.

Where is God calling you to spend your time, efforts, and money?  What are you passionate about?  What is distracting you from His calling?  I believe He has specifics in mind for each of His people and we are not called to feel overwhelmed every time a "good" cause needs our money or time.

For all my friends and family who have participated in the Ice Bucket Challenge, I have enjoyed watching every minute of it.  For those who feel led to participate, I hope you have fun pouring that cold water on yourself, but with anything like this, please be informed what you are supporting and where your money is going.  For those that don't feel led to participate, I hope you move on to where you do and don't feel guilty or pressure for one minute.

And when the next fun craze comes around, I'm selfishly hoping I don't have such a personal dilemma over something as silly as an ice bucket. I'm sure anyone who has read this jumbled mess all the way through feels the same. :)

Truth & Femininity

I had my pity party yesterday.  As much as part of me didn't want to be that honest on here, it was good getting it out.  I think once something is out there, we have to deal with it.  I could keep pretending to most everyone that I'm good and never struggle with this.  Or I can share it and have to face it.  In facing it yesterday and praying and thinking, I realize that I was believing in a lie.  And there is freedom in truth.

The truth is some mornings when I'm getting ready for the day, I am bothered my the image looking back at me.  Other days I'm perfectly fine with who I am.

The truth is some days since I've had my new "hairdo", the double takes in the grocery store make me want to hide and other days they actually make me smile.

The truth is some nights I want to sit and whine that I have to deal with this and other nights I'm so grateful for this journey.

The truth is some moments I feel beautiful and other moments I do not.  But that has nothing to do with hair.  That would be true at any time in my life.  I think it's true of all women.  At least I hope all women feel beautiful at some point in their lives.

And the truth is that I've struggled with femininity for much longer than a few months.  This is where I found the lie.  The Bible tells us to "stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist" and when we are believing in lies, there are cracks in our armor.  

What is femininity?  Here is what Google says,

the quality of being female; womanliness.
"she celebrates her femininity by wearing makeup and high heels"

The definition is fine, but it's the example using makeup and high heels where our thinking can go south. If I'm being honest, when I think about what it means to be feminine, most of my thinking has to do with outward appearance. I have a friend who comes to mind when I think on this topic. She prefers wearing dresses, has a beautifully decorated home, enjoys baking, always has her hair done, and often dons a string of pearls. She sounds pretty perfect, right?  Well, first of all, none of these are true all of the time. She would be the first to laugh at me if she knew that it was her I was describing here. I've probably seen one Christmas card picture of her like this and now assume it's always this way. We, females, have a tendency to do that, don't we?

The world, and often other Christians, tells us that being feminine has to do with hair styles, hem lengths, body size, lace, lipstick, pearls, and so forth.  If this is the truth, then so many in this world will never attain femininity and what a shallow goal in which to strive.  If the definition is simple being female, why do we add so much?

What does the Bible say about being a woman?  I read through lots of scripture and it rarely has to do with appearance.  In fact, 1 Timothy 2 talks about appearance and says women should wear "appropriate clothes and not draw attention to themselves" and women are "attractive" by the "good things that they do."  I'm pretty sure that is the exact opposite of what the world tells us.  So, I kept searching and landed on probably the most feminine woman in the Bible.  Oh, you Proverbs 31 mysterious woman, you!  So often, we read through Proverbs 31:10-31 and all that she does and we feel defeated.  She's superwoman, right? We get tired just thinking about it.

This time I looked more for who she is rather than what she does.  I think I found the truth about femininity.  This beautifully, feminine woman is trustworthy, hard-working, energetic, strong, hospitable, giving, resourceful, one who enjoys beauty, one who speaks with wisdom and kindness, one who brings good to her husband, and most of all she fears the Lord not her future.  

I was looking through pictures of my recent trip to New York and found this one,

It's of my beautiful sister and I excited about heading to a church service at Brooklyn Tabernacle.  Two God-fearing women looking forward to worshiping their Savior in a new place.  I think that's pretty feminine. 

Let's change the definition of femininity from the one the world so easily presses on us, especially for those girls growing up behind us.  Let it not be something they can never attain and always struggle with.  Let is be based on truth and not a lie.

I Want Hair

I know I've been quiet again. It started when the whole World Vision thing greatly upset me and I had no words.  Then, busyness and distractions took over.  Oh, how easy it is to become distracted these days.  Distracted from purpose.  Distracted from calling.  Distracted from God.

In effort to be fully transparent, I feel called to share my struggles.  Humbling as it is at times that is the purpose I feel God calling me to.  I feel Him calling me to share with others what I am learning from Him and where I am failing.  Hence, the title of the post.  I want hair!  I really do, at least today, and the last few weeks.

When I first shared my story and shaved my head, there was freedom and confidence that only came from the Holy Spirit.  I was excited about Him possibly using this for His glory.  There were moments of doubt but they were fleeting.  Not anymore.  It's only been 2 1/2 months.  I am apparently fickle.

I am already tired of being different.  I am tired of not feeling feminine.  I am tired of arguing with myself that this is small in the grand scheme of things.

As I cried in the shower this morning, I heard a whisper in my soul, "It's not about you, it's about Me."  My mantra has been that very thing for years.  I say it to myself often.  I write on the pages of my journal.  It's not about me, it's all about You.  And there is the answer to my weariness.  I devoured a book about nutrition and autoimmune disease over the last few days and only spent minutes in His word.  I spent more time thinking about how frustrated I am with my body and health (which continues to pop up with new issues) than talking with Him.

If I have ever appeared strong, it's all Him. I am weak, obviously.  I truly want more than anything to serve Him and be used by Him yet I so easily lose focus.

I don't know where I am going with this other than I know He is calling me to share.  May whatever I write or say be from Him and not me!

Division and World Vision

Image from: http://www.worldvision.org/sites/default/files/images/home-slides/water.jpg

I found it fitting this morning that I read this quote from Max Lucado’s book Outlive Your Life, “When workers divide, it is the suffering who suffer most.” 

This World Vision thing has been mishandled by so many people and in so many ways that I hope and pray not to simply be another one of them.

My prayer in all of it: in every blog -post, response, defense, or withdrawal of sponsorship is that God would allow all involved to focus on the suffering involved: real children in real need will be affected and it doesn’t really matter who is to blame.

I can find plenty of faults with World Vision and the way they have handled this.  By choosing to allow gay Christians in legal same-sex marriages to be employed, while still maintaining a rule that mandates abstinence outside of marriage, World vision has essentially said that monogamy is more important than immorality.  Instead of using a simple/straightforward Biblical code of conduct where all employees are asked to pursue Jesus with everything that they have and everything that they are, World Vision is in essence picking and choosing which sins to address, even though that’s exactly what they were trying to avoid.  Richard Stearns, who I respect and (will still) recommend as a voice for the forgotten and least of these in our world (You should read his book: The Hole in Our Gospel ) is in a difficult position.  World Vision does try to leave most theology to denominations.  They don’t have statements of belief about proper modes of baptism, women in leadership, etc.  But, in continuing to mandate rules, which include a call for abstinence, while allowing other types of immorality, the group has painted themselves into a corner.  They are in essence saying which sins are o.k. and which sins are not. (Which you can't do by the way.  The Word of God is pretty clear in defining sin.) 

Having said that, I can also find faults with those that have responded so harshly against World Vision.  Many responses from evangelistic leaders have come across heated, mean, and judgmental.  Some have called Stearns a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.”  In reading others you would think that World Vision has suddenly stopped its call to minister to the widows and orphans of our world (which the Bible says is “pure religion” by the way).  It’s been another spring-board for evangelicals to speak hateful things about homosexuality while ignoring the need for mercy.

In the end, I think we should ask ourselves  this question: What about the suffering children?  You remember them right?  The ones starving and dying from preventable diseases. 

    

If you had the ability to save one of their lives, would speaking on the phone with a gay man or woman prevent you from doing so?

If you could save a child’s life, would you choose not to, simply because the person processing the paperwork could potentially be a gay man or woman?

I think (I hope) most Christians would choose to save the child!  And why?  Because these children have already suffered enough!

My point is this.  As Christ followers I think we are bigger than these impassioned, impatient responses.  It's o.k. if you feel shammed.  If you signed up with World Vision based on their core beliefs and practices, it's o.k. to feel like they are trying to change direction.  It's even o.k. to feel like you need to change sponsorship organizations.

If the choice to change hiring practices offends you, I encourage you to send Stearns your objections.  Let him know that these kind of decisions cannot be made in a vacuum no matter how much his board would like to think they can.  Tell him that you don’t understand his change in hiring practices or how he has seemingly made monogamy more important than Holy matrimony.  Ask him how he and the board came to that decision.  

But don’t cause the children to suffer.

If you feel led to cease your sponsorship, let the company know that due to their decision you can no longer support their leadership (which a portion of your monthly giving goes to support) long-term.  Tell them that due to their decision your sponsorship will cease at the end of the year, so that they have time to find someone to take over for you.

But most of all, pray!  Pray and ask God what you should do.

Let the Holy Spirit, whose fruit includes love, peace, and patience guide you.  Don’t simply spout off in anger or leave a child hanging.

The world’s biggest problems require the most people working together towards their solution.  The bigger the problem, the more people required.  The more people, the better chance that there will be some you don’t agree with or even approve of.

There are tons of great organizations out there (Compassion, Food for the Hungry, Project Hopeful) you can support.  Maybe all of this causes you to do a little more research and a lot more praying. 

 

Whether you continue to support World Vision in their effort to end poverty and injustice or you choose a similar organization to support, I pray that you would keep the following in mind: “When workers divide, it is the suffering who suffer most.”   

**UPDATE: World Vision has reversed their decision and publicly apologized.  We think it takes great humility and wisdom to do this.  See link below for the update and words from Richard Stearns.

World Vision Reverses...