Listen to the Truth Not to Your Fear

Luke 21:9-19 The Message (emphasis mine) "When you hear of wars and uprisings, keep your head and don’t panic. This is routine history and no sign of the end.”

He went on, “Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over. Huge earthquakes will occur in various places. There will be famines. You’ll think at times that the very sky is falling.

“But before any of this happens, they’ll arrest you, hunt you down, and drag you to court and jail. It will go from bad to worse, dog-eat-dog, everyone at your throat because you carry my name. You’ll end up on the witness stand, called to testify. Make up your mind right now not to worry about it. I’ll give you the words and wisdom that will reduce all your accusers to stammers and stutters.

“You’ll even be turned in by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends. Some of you will be killed. There’s no telling who will hate you because of me. Even so, every detail of your body and soul—even the hairs of your head!—is in my care; nothing of you will be lost. Staying with it—that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved."

Then, verses 34-36,

“But be on your guard. Don’t let the sharp edge of your expectation get dulled by parties and drinking and shopping. Otherwise, that Day is going to take you by complete surprise, spring on you suddenly like a trap, for it’s going to come on everyone, everywhere, at once. So, whatever you do, don’t go to sleep at the switch. Pray constantly that you will have the strength and wits to make it through everything that’s coming and end up on your feet before the Son of Man.”

I am not one who keeps tracks of all the signs of end times. Honestly, I don't have any real desire to watch the new Left Behind movie. But I do want to know what the Bible says about it all. In Luke 21 (go read it all), Jesus gives us specific signs and specific instructions. We are also told in His Word that man will not know the time or hour, Jesus will return (Matthew 24:36). There's no point in guessing. It tells us that even Jesus does not when He is coming so why do any of us think we might figure it out???? Trust that the Father knows and that He has a purpose in only Him knowing.

We should not be surprised by this world. It's a mess. It's been a mess since sin entered and will be a mess until the Sinless One returns. It's only going to get worse. In all of the hurting, confusion, and pain, we are called to be on guard, know the truth, not to worry, and be able to give words He gives us. I believe that no matters what happens in our world, we are still called to the two greatest commandments, LOVE GOD WITH EVERYTHING IN US and SELFLESSLY LOVE THOSE AROUND US (Matthew 22:36-40). We do this by obeying Him. We do this by knowing His truth. We do this by loving the people placed in our lives. We do not have to save the world, but we are called praise the One who does.

I have no idea who reads this blog.  But if you are reading this and don't know my Savior, I'd love to tell you about Him.  Seriously, anytime, anyplace, just ask.

If you do know Him, don't give way to fear. Fear of this world or fear of man will only cause more pain and confusion. Know His Word. Trust Him when He says you are in His care so much so that even knows the hairs on your head. It may get crazy and then even crazier around here, but He loves you and He's got this.  

God is God

remnantresource.org

"What comes to our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."

I have read and pondered this quote by A.W. Tozer many times in my adult life.  This morning as I read it again, I realized that often what has come to mind has changed based on my circumstances.  This is a sad and dangerous realization.

God does not change, no matter what is happening in my life or the world around me. HE IS GOOD --not sometimes, not only when life is good, not when it's convenient to believe it-- He is always good.  HE IS LOVE, not based on my definition of love, but He is love because He created it. He gives it. He defines it.  HE IS HOLY AND PERFECT even when I don't understand holiness or perfection.  HE IS GRACIOUS AND MERCIFUL no matter what I do, no matter how much I choose self, no matter how sinful I am. My choices do not change who He is.  HE IS CREATOR even when I read science that strives to prove otherwise.  HE IS ETERNAL even though I cannot understand or grasp eternity. HE IS GOD even when I doubt.

If we try to define God through what we know (or think we know) or what we've been through, then He is not GOD.   Our "definition" of God must be through the lens of scripture, always, always, always, and it says HE IS GOD.

"God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?" Numbers 23 :19

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. Colossians 1:16

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations... Deuteronomy 7:9

It's Time for Thanksgiving

http://www.jacobabshire.com/musings/wallpapers/wednesday-wallpaper-give-thanks-to-the-lord-for-he-is-good/

I read the book, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, when it first came out.  I think Ann Voskamp is a modern day poet and prophet, and her blog has challenged me to go deeper with God for years now.  This book is a challenging, but incredible read.  In it, with her rich words that paint a picture in your mind, she teaches us that God gave us the secret to joy and peace.  She uses the Greek word eucharisteo to explain,

Yes, it's all Greek to me, but this is the word that can change everything: eucharisteo—it comes right out of the Gospel of Luke: “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them…” (Luke 22:19 NIV). In the original language, “he gave thanks” reads “eucharisteo.” 

The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning “grace.” Jesus took the bread and saw it as graceand gave thanks. He took the bread and knew it to be gift and gave thanks. Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning “joy.” Charis. Grace. Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. Chara. Joy.

Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo; the table of thanksgiving. The holy grail of joy, God set it in the very center of Christianity. The Eucharist is the central symbol of Christianity...

One of Christ’s very last directives He offers to His disciples is to take the bread, the wine, and to remember. Do this in remembrance of Me. Remember and give thanks.

This is the crux of Christianity: to remember and give thanks, eucharisteo.

Why? Why is remembering and giving thanks the core of the Christ-faith? Because remembering with thanks is what causes us to trust; to really believe. Re-membering, giving thanks, is what makes us a member again of the body of Christ. Re-membering, giving thanks is what puts us back together again in this hurried, broken, fragmented world.

It's a powerful message.  And for her it all started with a challenge from a friend to list 1,000 things in which she was grateful.  It began a change in her heart, in her life, in her calling, and the book shares what she learned through all of it.

I've confessed that I love lists a little too much and a formulaic way of thinking is dangerous for me. Knowing this about myself, I decided not to jump in with a list when I read this, but lately this book and this eucharisteo thought keeps coming back to me.  I've been asking God to open my eyes.  Help me see the people, the things, the world around me through a different lens.

You know what I'm finding?  The troubles and weights of this life feel lighter and my heart becomes more free as I allow the Holy Spirit to change my mindset to one of thankfulness in all things.  

Today I am thankful for,

1. A God who sustains.  He holds me together all the time, even when I feel like I'm falling apart.
2. Hot coffee on a cool morning
3. Friends who pray for me even I am too proud to ask
4. My home, not just a house, but a home - a place to invite, to unwind, to take shelter from this crazy world.
5. Books.  Real paper books that I can hold and write in and let me tears of both grief and joy  falls on their pages.
6. A God who loves me where I am.  He loves me when I doubt.  He loves me even when I choose self.  He loves me enough to call me to choose Him.
7. Getting glimpses of the man my 10-year-old is becoming and knowing God is doing a good work in him.
8. Grace. Grace. And more GRACE.
9. A doctor who continues to seek answers on my behalf even when nothing makes sense.
10. Pathology reports that start opening the door to answers.
11. Autumn.  Today we usher in a new season, my favorite season, with a sigh. It's a time for coolness, a time for family, a time to breathe and relax, and a time to give thanks.
12. A marriage of two imperfect sinners could bring disaster but when yielded to a perfect God brings goodness, mercy, love, kindness, and humility.

Why is Asking for Prayer Difficult?

Have you noticed that during "prayer request" time in your small group, Sunday School class, Bible study, or wherever that we rarely ask for prayers for ourselves?  Sure, we hear "please pray for us as we travel this week" or "pray that my surgery goes well on Thursday" or "pray for my job interview this week."  But rarely is there open, transparent requests for prayers for ourselves.  It seems that most prayer requests are for things like Aunt Jane's cancer or a coworker's child or a friend who was in a car wreck. While there isn't anything necessarily wrong with these requests, they tend to be impersonal and can even keep us from getting too real.

Why is asking for prayer for our own struggles so hard?  When I examine my own heart, I think there are a few reasons.  One, I don't want to be or, more likely, appear selfish.  Two, my problems aren't as "bad" as these others so I don't want to waste anyone's time.  Or probably at the root of it all, I don't want to be too vulnerable.  I can be open about so much.  I have a husband who is pretty much an open book to our entire congregation.  Being married to him lends to few secrets in our family.  It used to really bother me, but I've grown to appreciate it (most of the time ;) ).  Even still, I don't want to be vulnerable.  I don't want to NEED people or be a burden to anyone.

The only problem is that we all keep answering "I'm fine" when all the while so often, we are not.  I keep thinking what if our small groups (whatever they look like) become our safe groups.  What if "I'm fine" is no longer an acceptable answer in these groups?

Don't me wrong.  There are times when things are really good.  But instead, let's share them, praise God for them together.  And when things are just not, let's share those as well and hold each other up, encourage one another, truly live this hard life together.  Not in a spirit of complaint and there needs to be guarding against that, but in an effort to drop the masks and the walls.  We all need people.  God does not require us to walk through this life alone.  He is enough for us, but He also understands our struggles and gives us church families, friends, spouses, and more to lean on.  Oh, isn't He good?

This past week in our Sunday School class, I prepared myself to share some health struggles that I've only been partly open about it and felt God urging me to share.  When our teacher said we are not going to do prayer requests this week, I relieved a sigh of relief.  I could keep it all in for at least another week.  I could talk myself out of it before next Sunday rolls around.  I mean the pastor's wife should never even consider the possibility of being a burden when there is so much hurting going on all around, right? These are the arguments I have in my head.

The truth is though that pretending like it's all okay and making jokes about my health issues, so I don't to worry anyone, is wearing me out.  Don't worry I'm not dying (at least not from any of my current issues ;) ).  Some of my autoimmune issues are flaring and I've added a new one to the mix.  I have unexplained weight loss that is so far baffling my doctor.  I've struggled with anxiety off and on this past year.  Some days I feel fine and other days I'm exhausted for no apparent reason.  I am so very blessed with a husband who is most always patient with me, but  I don't think it's fair to him that I won't ask for prayers.

I am confident that God holds my health in hands and grateful that it's not worse.  I know this is not my future.  I pray that God uses all of this for His glory yet I'm realizing that if I walk around keeping up appearances, I may be not allowing Him to do just that.  This morning I read in Galatians  4 where Paul shares, "As you know, it was because of an illness that I first preached the gospel to you."  Oh, let that be true of me someday.

So, I ask you, that next time you meet with your "safe group", be real, be honest, share the good and difficult.  C'mon,  I don't want to be the only one getting real.

Seriously, no worries about me. SERIOUSLY. God says do not worry.  God knew I'd be here struggling in this very moment.  He has plans for me and He has plans for you.  If you feel led to pray for me, pray that He would use all this.  Pray that I would ask for help when I need it.  Pray for my marriage and my family as we continue to try and figure this all out.  Pray for my husband who is having to do way more than his fair share some of these days.  Pray that most of all in whatever I do or say, I can do it all for the glory of God.

I pray that everyone reading this has a safe place to be real and that you stop carrying your burdens alone.  God never intended us to be worn out simply from keeping things in.  He knows this life is hard.  He knows we have struggles, health issues, financial woes, and so much more.  I believe He gives us people in our lives for a reason. And that reason is not to make us more tired.

Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:14-16

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Being Unpopular Sucks But I Must Remain Focused

Yes, I said sucks, because well it does and "stinks" just doesn't fully convey how it feels.  Yesterday as I was having fun watching another ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, I also saw someone else post that the ALSA funds embryonic research.  I also started wondering what exactly is all this money doing.  I read a few articles but it was a crazy, busy (and productive) day so my research stopped there.

This morning one of my favorite people nominated me for the challenge.  I was flattered to be a part of the fun though dreading the actual icy water.  I asked Jason if he'd pour a bucket on me at lunch.  I also started discussing what I'd read yesterday with him.  That lead to us both posting a link to this well-written blog, Why I Cannot Accept the Ice Bucket Challenge.  We were then told and read conflicting things so Jason called ALSA directly and found out that instead of giving online, you can call the ALSA at 1-(888) 949-2577 to give and designate that your monies not be used to fund embryonic stem cell research though unfortunately most people have not done this or are even aware of where the money is truly going. 

Then, I'm thinking, "Okay, I'm back in. Dump the bucket on me." Only something still wasn't sitting right with me (and this is not me trying to avoid the ice water ;) ). I read on the ALSA website that they've raised almost  $42 million dollars so far through this challenge in the last few weeks alone. That's incredible! ALS is a unspeakable, horrible disease that I wouldn't wish on anyone. A cure for it would be awesome but I couldn't help thinking "at what cost?"

Why was I still feeling unsettled about this? It's a fun, harmless challenge for a good cause, right? I started praying asking God to give me clarity and wisdom. He reminded me that I have been praying since the beginning of this year for focus and for Him to show me where my energy, focus, and giving should be. I have also prayed almost daily for Him to help me stop and think before I act on something. I've been overwhelmed with the hurting, the violence, the diseased, the hungry, and the lonely in our world. It's too much. My head spins, I weep, and I lay still and confused over how to help and what to do. And, then, so often I would freeze. I don't know what to do so I do nothing. I say a pray and I try to push it out of mind so I don't go insane. Prayer is powerful, but God didn't call me to only pray. He calls us to action. He calls us to give. He calls us to move out of our frozen state.  

God has been faithful in answering my prayers.  Proverbs 2:2-5 tells us, 

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

And James 1:5 tells us, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

God has been showing me that He gave me my passions for a reason. I am passionate about the local church. I am passionate about orphans, especially adoption and orphan prevention. I am passionate about the hungry, especially single moms who struggle to provide. I am passionate about spreading truth, whether it's the truth of the Gospel or simply stopping a lie being spread that is invoking fear or fighting. I have other passions, but those are what gets me going like nothing else. If you ever want to see me upset, say something ugly about the Bride of Christ OR tell me that I shouldn't foster or adopt (yes, it has happened way too often) OR tell me you don't have enough to share with others OR tell me you can't help so-and-so because of fear based on lies of this world.

These are the areas where God is showing me I am called to give and move and focus. Do you know the relief and joy that comes when I concentrate on those things? I can trust that He is moving in others to be the hands and feet for other injustices of this world. The problem is that so often I am distracted and I don't focus on these.

If you made it this far, by now you are wondering, what in the world does this have to do with the ice bucket thing?  Or who cares if she does it or not (That's probably what I'd be thinking)?  Contributing to the ALS is not my calling.  It's not where my focus is supposed to be.  It may be for others.  If I were to participate, it would be simply because it's fun and popular.  My motives would be ill-placed.  I know I let "popular" things become a distraction to me.

So, here I am, a party-pooper.  I'm raining on someone else's parade.  But I am grateful.  I'm grateful that God is growing me.  I'm grateful that He is teaching me to stop and think.  I'm grateful that He is helping me to align my passions with His calling.

Because of my passions, I leave you with the following.  By the way, it would have been much easier for me to pour ice water on my head today than to share all this.

• There are approximately 30,000 people in the U.S. suffering with ALS

• There are approximately 120,000 orphans (meaning waiting to be adopted) and over 400,000 children in foster care in the U.S.

• There are approximately 17,600,000 households in U.S. that struggle to feed themselves and/or their families

These numbers do not mean one is more important that the other. There are so many statistics I could share on everything from cancer to war to preventable diseases. These numbers are simply shared to get you thinking. I shared only U.S. statistics because I could easily find reliable sources.  This is in no way to say we should concentrate inside our borders.  The orphan and hunger problems only get bigger outside our country.  Yet, the Bible is clear that we are called to meet their needs.

Where is God calling you to spend your time, efforts, and money?  What are you passionate about?  What is distracting you from His calling?  I believe He has specifics in mind for each of His people and we are not called to feel overwhelmed every time a "good" cause needs our money or time.

For all my friends and family who have participated in the Ice Bucket Challenge, I have enjoyed watching every minute of it.  For those who feel led to participate, I hope you have fun pouring that cold water on yourself, but with anything like this, please be informed what you are supporting and where your money is going.  For those that don't feel led to participate, I hope you move on to where you do and don't feel guilty or pressure for one minute.

And when the next fun craze comes around, I'm selfishly hoping I don't have such a personal dilemma over something as silly as an ice bucket. I'm sure anyone who has read this jumbled mess all the way through feels the same. :)

Truth & Femininity

I had my pity party yesterday.  As much as part of me didn't want to be that honest on here, it was good getting it out.  I think once something is out there, we have to deal with it.  I could keep pretending to most everyone that I'm good and never struggle with this.  Or I can share it and have to face it.  In facing it yesterday and praying and thinking, I realize that I was believing in a lie.  And there is freedom in truth.

The truth is some mornings when I'm getting ready for the day, I am bothered my the image looking back at me.  Other days I'm perfectly fine with who I am.

The truth is some days since I've had my new "hairdo", the double takes in the grocery store make me want to hide and other days they actually make me smile.

The truth is some nights I want to sit and whine that I have to deal with this and other nights I'm so grateful for this journey.

The truth is some moments I feel beautiful and other moments I do not.  But that has nothing to do with hair.  That would be true at any time in my life.  I think it's true of all women.  At least I hope all women feel beautiful at some point in their lives.

And the truth is that I've struggled with femininity for much longer than a few months.  This is where I found the lie.  The Bible tells us to "stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist" and when we are believing in lies, there are cracks in our armor.  

What is femininity?  Here is what Google says,

the quality of being female; womanliness.
"she celebrates her femininity by wearing makeup and high heels"

The definition is fine, but it's the example using makeup and high heels where our thinking can go south. If I'm being honest, when I think about what it means to be feminine, most of my thinking has to do with outward appearance. I have a friend who comes to mind when I think on this topic. She prefers wearing dresses, has a beautifully decorated home, enjoys baking, always has her hair done, and often dons a string of pearls. She sounds pretty perfect, right?  Well, first of all, none of these are true all of the time. She would be the first to laugh at me if she knew that it was her I was describing here. I've probably seen one Christmas card picture of her like this and now assume it's always this way. We, females, have a tendency to do that, don't we?

The world, and often other Christians, tells us that being feminine has to do with hair styles, hem lengths, body size, lace, lipstick, pearls, and so forth.  If this is the truth, then so many in this world will never attain femininity and what a shallow goal in which to strive.  If the definition is simple being female, why do we add so much?

What does the Bible say about being a woman?  I read through lots of scripture and it rarely has to do with appearance.  In fact, 1 Timothy 2 talks about appearance and says women should wear "appropriate clothes and not draw attention to themselves" and women are "attractive" by the "good things that they do."  I'm pretty sure that is the exact opposite of what the world tells us.  So, I kept searching and landed on probably the most feminine woman in the Bible.  Oh, you Proverbs 31 mysterious woman, you!  So often, we read through Proverbs 31:10-31 and all that she does and we feel defeated.  She's superwoman, right? We get tired just thinking about it.

This time I looked more for who she is rather than what she does.  I think I found the truth about femininity.  This beautifully, feminine woman is trustworthy, hard-working, energetic, strong, hospitable, giving, resourceful, one who enjoys beauty, one who speaks with wisdom and kindness, one who brings good to her husband, and most of all she fears the Lord not her future.  

I was looking through pictures of my recent trip to New York and found this one,

It's of my beautiful sister and I excited about heading to a church service at Brooklyn Tabernacle.  Two God-fearing women looking forward to worshiping their Savior in a new place.  I think that's pretty feminine. 

Let's change the definition of femininity from the one the world so easily presses on us, especially for those girls growing up behind us.  Let it not be something they can never attain and always struggle with.  Let is be based on truth and not a lie.

I Want Hair

I know I've been quiet again. It started when the whole World Vision thing greatly upset me and I had no words.  Then, busyness and distractions took over.  Oh, how easy it is to become distracted these days.  Distracted from purpose.  Distracted from calling.  Distracted from God.

In effort to be fully transparent, I feel called to share my struggles.  Humbling as it is at times that is the purpose I feel God calling me to.  I feel Him calling me to share with others what I am learning from Him and where I am failing.  Hence, the title of the post.  I want hair!  I really do, at least today, and the last few weeks.

When I first shared my story and shaved my head, there was freedom and confidence that only came from the Holy Spirit.  I was excited about Him possibly using this for His glory.  There were moments of doubt but they were fleeting.  Not anymore.  It's only been 2 1/2 months.  I am apparently fickle.

I am already tired of being different.  I am tired of not feeling feminine.  I am tired of arguing with myself that this is small in the grand scheme of things.

As I cried in the shower this morning, I heard a whisper in my soul, "It's not about you, it's about Me."  My mantra has been that very thing for years.  I say it to myself often.  I write on the pages of my journal.  It's not about me, it's all about You.  And there is the answer to my weariness.  I devoured a book about nutrition and autoimmune disease over the last few days and only spent minutes in His word.  I spent more time thinking about how frustrated I am with my body and health (which continues to pop up with new issues) than talking with Him.

If I have ever appeared strong, it's all Him. I am weak, obviously.  I truly want more than anything to serve Him and be used by Him yet I so easily lose focus.

I don't know where I am going with this other than I know He is calling me to share.  May whatever I write or say be from Him and not me!