Truth & Femininity

I had my pity party yesterday.  As much as part of me didn't want to be that honest on here, it was good getting it out.  I think once something is out there, we have to deal with it.  I could keep pretending to most everyone that I'm good and never struggle with this.  Or I can share it and have to face it.  In facing it yesterday and praying and thinking, I realize that I was believing in a lie.  And there is freedom in truth.

The truth is some mornings when I'm getting ready for the day, I am bothered my the image looking back at me.  Other days I'm perfectly fine with who I am.

The truth is some days since I've had my new "hairdo", the double takes in the grocery store make me want to hide and other days they actually make me smile.

The truth is some nights I want to sit and whine that I have to deal with this and other nights I'm so grateful for this journey.

The truth is some moments I feel beautiful and other moments I do not.  But that has nothing to do with hair.  That would be true at any time in my life.  I think it's true of all women.  At least I hope all women feel beautiful at some point in their lives.

And the truth is that I've struggled with femininity for much longer than a few months.  This is where I found the lie.  The Bible tells us to "stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist" and when we are believing in lies, there are cracks in our armor.  

What is femininity?  Here is what Google says,

the quality of being female; womanliness.
"she celebrates her femininity by wearing makeup and high heels"

The definition is fine, but it's the example using makeup and high heels where our thinking can go south. If I'm being honest, when I think about what it means to be feminine, most of my thinking has to do with outward appearance. I have a friend who comes to mind when I think on this topic. She prefers wearing dresses, has a beautifully decorated home, enjoys baking, always has her hair done, and often dons a string of pearls. She sounds pretty perfect, right?  Well, first of all, none of these are true all of the time. She would be the first to laugh at me if she knew that it was her I was describing here. I've probably seen one Christmas card picture of her like this and now assume it's always this way. We, females, have a tendency to do that, don't we?

The world, and often other Christians, tells us that being feminine has to do with hair styles, hem lengths, body size, lace, lipstick, pearls, and so forth.  If this is the truth, then so many in this world will never attain femininity and what a shallow goal in which to strive.  If the definition is simple being female, why do we add so much?

What does the Bible say about being a woman?  I read through lots of scripture and it rarely has to do with appearance.  In fact, 1 Timothy 2 talks about appearance and says women should wear "appropriate clothes and not draw attention to themselves" and women are "attractive" by the "good things that they do."  I'm pretty sure that is the exact opposite of what the world tells us.  So, I kept searching and landed on probably the most feminine woman in the Bible.  Oh, you Proverbs 31 mysterious woman, you!  So often, we read through Proverbs 31:10-31 and all that she does and we feel defeated.  She's superwoman, right? We get tired just thinking about it.

This time I looked more for who she is rather than what she does.  I think I found the truth about femininity.  This beautifully, feminine woman is trustworthy, hard-working, energetic, strong, hospitable, giving, resourceful, one who enjoys beauty, one who speaks with wisdom and kindness, one who brings good to her husband, and most of all she fears the Lord not her future.  

I was looking through pictures of my recent trip to New York and found this one,

It's of my beautiful sister and I excited about heading to a church service at Brooklyn Tabernacle.  Two God-fearing women looking forward to worshiping their Savior in a new place.  I think that's pretty feminine. 

Let's change the definition of femininity from the one the world so easily presses on us, especially for those girls growing up behind us.  Let it not be something they can never attain and always struggle with.  Let is be based on truth and not a lie.

I Want Hair

I know I've been quiet again. It started when the whole World Vision thing greatly upset me and I had no words.  Then, busyness and distractions took over.  Oh, how easy it is to become distracted these days.  Distracted from purpose.  Distracted from calling.  Distracted from God.

In effort to be fully transparent, I feel called to share my struggles.  Humbling as it is at times that is the purpose I feel God calling me to.  I feel Him calling me to share with others what I am learning from Him and where I am failing.  Hence, the title of the post.  I want hair!  I really do, at least today, and the last few weeks.

When I first shared my story and shaved my head, there was freedom and confidence that only came from the Holy Spirit.  I was excited about Him possibly using this for His glory.  There were moments of doubt but they were fleeting.  Not anymore.  It's only been 2 1/2 months.  I am apparently fickle.

I am already tired of being different.  I am tired of not feeling feminine.  I am tired of arguing with myself that this is small in the grand scheme of things.

As I cried in the shower this morning, I heard a whisper in my soul, "It's not about you, it's about Me."  My mantra has been that very thing for years.  I say it to myself often.  I write on the pages of my journal.  It's not about me, it's all about You.  And there is the answer to my weariness.  I devoured a book about nutrition and autoimmune disease over the last few days and only spent minutes in His word.  I spent more time thinking about how frustrated I am with my body and health (which continues to pop up with new issues) than talking with Him.

If I have ever appeared strong, it's all Him. I am weak, obviously.  I truly want more than anything to serve Him and be used by Him yet I so easily lose focus.

I don't know where I am going with this other than I know He is calling me to share.  May whatever I write or say be from Him and not me!

Division and World Vision

Image from: http://www.worldvision.org/sites/default/files/images/home-slides/water.jpg

I found it fitting this morning that I read this quote from Max Lucado’s book Outlive Your Life, “When workers divide, it is the suffering who suffer most.” 

This World Vision thing has been mishandled by so many people and in so many ways that I hope and pray not to simply be another one of them.

My prayer in all of it: in every blog -post, response, defense, or withdrawal of sponsorship is that God would allow all involved to focus on the suffering involved: real children in real need will be affected and it doesn’t really matter who is to blame.

I can find plenty of faults with World Vision and the way they have handled this.  By choosing to allow gay Christians in legal same-sex marriages to be employed, while still maintaining a rule that mandates abstinence outside of marriage, World vision has essentially said that monogamy is more important than immorality.  Instead of using a simple/straightforward Biblical code of conduct where all employees are asked to pursue Jesus with everything that they have and everything that they are, World Vision is in essence picking and choosing which sins to address, even though that’s exactly what they were trying to avoid.  Richard Stearns, who I respect and (will still) recommend as a voice for the forgotten and least of these in our world (You should read his book: The Hole in Our Gospel ) is in a difficult position.  World Vision does try to leave most theology to denominations.  They don’t have statements of belief about proper modes of baptism, women in leadership, etc.  But, in continuing to mandate rules, which include a call for abstinence, while allowing other types of immorality, the group has painted themselves into a corner.  They are in essence saying which sins are o.k. and which sins are not. (Which you can't do by the way.  The Word of God is pretty clear in defining sin.) 

Having said that, I can also find faults with those that have responded so harshly against World Vision.  Many responses from evangelistic leaders have come across heated, mean, and judgmental.  Some have called Stearns a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.”  In reading others you would think that World Vision has suddenly stopped its call to minister to the widows and orphans of our world (which the Bible says is “pure religion” by the way).  It’s been another spring-board for evangelicals to speak hateful things about homosexuality while ignoring the need for mercy.

In the end, I think we should ask ourselves  this question: What about the suffering children?  You remember them right?  The ones starving and dying from preventable diseases. 

    

If you had the ability to save one of their lives, would speaking on the phone with a gay man or woman prevent you from doing so?

If you could save a child’s life, would you choose not to, simply because the person processing the paperwork could potentially be a gay man or woman?

I think (I hope) most Christians would choose to save the child!  And why?  Because these children have already suffered enough!

My point is this.  As Christ followers I think we are bigger than these impassioned, impatient responses.  It's o.k. if you feel shammed.  If you signed up with World Vision based on their core beliefs and practices, it's o.k. to feel like they are trying to change direction.  It's even o.k. to feel like you need to change sponsorship organizations.

If the choice to change hiring practices offends you, I encourage you to send Stearns your objections.  Let him know that these kind of decisions cannot be made in a vacuum no matter how much his board would like to think they can.  Tell him that you don’t understand his change in hiring practices or how he has seemingly made monogamy more important than Holy matrimony.  Ask him how he and the board came to that decision.  

But don’t cause the children to suffer.

If you feel led to cease your sponsorship, let the company know that due to their decision you can no longer support their leadership (which a portion of your monthly giving goes to support) long-term.  Tell them that due to their decision your sponsorship will cease at the end of the year, so that they have time to find someone to take over for you.

But most of all, pray!  Pray and ask God what you should do.

Let the Holy Spirit, whose fruit includes love, peace, and patience guide you.  Don’t simply spout off in anger or leave a child hanging.

The world’s biggest problems require the most people working together towards their solution.  The bigger the problem, the more people required.  The more people, the better chance that there will be some you don’t agree with or even approve of.

There are tons of great organizations out there (Compassion, Food for the Hungry, Project Hopeful) you can support.  Maybe all of this causes you to do a little more research and a lot more praying. 

 

Whether you continue to support World Vision in their effort to end poverty and injustice or you choose a similar organization to support, I pray that you would keep the following in mind: “When workers divide, it is the suffering who suffer most.”   

**UPDATE: World Vision has reversed their decision and publicly apologized.  We think it takes great humility and wisdom to do this.  See link below for the update and words from Richard Stearns.

World Vision Reverses...

New Life

I would venture to guess that most gardeners' favorite time of the year is the harvest.  I know my boys love picking the veggies we've been working hard to grow.  It is definitely awesome to be able to enjoy the actual fruits of your labor.

For me, though, I LOVE the planting.  I spent a good majority of today planting various seeds and transplanting tomatoes and peppers. As I was finishing up, I just sat in the garden and took it all in.  There is something so exciting and also peaceful about a springtime garden. 

As I sat there looking around, I couldn't help but think about 2 Corinthians 5:17.  It's the new life that is so exciting.  With gardening, it's an adventure to plant a tiny seed, see that seed emerge through the dirt, and eventually grow into something beautiful or edible.  With people, it's so thrilling to watch a similar yet grander transformation.  I love being around new Christians.  The new life in them is often mesmerizing.  This verse isn't just for "new" Christians though.   We are all new creations.  The New Living Translation says anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.

As we prepare for Easter, I think about how new life would've been all around Christ during his last days.  Flowers blooming, seedlings emerging, and new births would've been everywhere.  What a perfect time to usher in a new way.  A new freedom.  A new life.

Hope When We're Just Plain Worn Out

What do we do when we just have a rough week?  A week filled with so many appointments and commitments and parenting woes and dirty kitchens and well, you get the picture. There have been good times this week in the midst of it all.  Yet, I sit here on a Friday night just plain worn out.  I keep thinking that one of these days I'll be mature enough or spiritual enough to rise above all this and not struggle in the day-to-day.  I want to be able to give and love, but some weeks, it just feels like there's nothing left to pour out. I want to walk in the Spirit following hard after Jesus, but some days are so loud that I can't seem to hear Him.  I long for some quiet so here I sit in a dark room hungry for peace and feeling defeated.

Then, I hear a whisper in my soul, you were not made for this place.  And there He is.  He pours out hope and grace reminding me that this world is not home.  This world is hard.  Loving others is exhausting. We are surrounded by hurts and selfishness and hate.  But there's hope.  And as I lean into Him in this moment, He reminds that I don't have to be enough.  He is enough.  My strength will always wear out this side of heaven.  His strength is everlasting.  And I'm led to these words in Isaiah 40 from The Message,

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying,“God has lost track of me.   He doesn’t care what happens to me”? Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? God doesn’t come and go.  God lasts.   He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.  He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.    And he knows everything, inside and out.  He energizes those who get tired,  gives fresh strength to dropouts.  For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall.  But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.   They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.

He is good.  He is hope.  He loves you.  He loves me.  He is never worn out. God lasts.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

These are wise words that often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt.  I haven't been able to verify that he is the one who said them, but they still ring true.

I think moms today especially need to hear these words and remember them.  On St. Patrick's Day we see other mom's posting pictures of leprechaun footprints, buckets of gold, and their children in matching green outfits while we fished a green t-shirt out of the dirty laundry so that our child wouldn't get pinched.

Remember these words.  Remember that we are all different and there is beauty in that.  Don't let comparison steal the joy of motherhood.

Worth Reading...

I have a few tabs that have stayed open on my computer all week.  They are just good reads so I'm sharing them with you.

• 7 Things You Need When You're Overwhelmed and Can't Keep Up - Ann Voskamp shares these encouraging words over at (in)courage this week - We are all chased by grace.

• The Heartbreak of Foster Care - This family shares a piece of their heart and I agree with all of it.  I keep re-reading these words, "If he goes back to his bio parents I’ll cry because I will have lost him. If we adopt him I’ll cry because he will have lost his bio parents. Heartbreak is really just part of living."

• Doing Life Together - My friend, Sarah, who I've known most of my life, shares about what "Doing Life Together" should really mean.  Let's not let it become a cliche in our Christian circles. Let's mean what we say or stop saying it altogether. 

Happy Sunday!